Brandye on “Sex During Menstruation”
Resistance to sex during menstruation is more aesthetic than physical. There are good and bad reasons that women want sex during their periods.
Often we feel lousy and just do not feel sexy. Cramps do not make one horny! The hormone cycle also makes for less sexual desire than at any other time in the menstrual cycle. Messy is the primary reason women resist.
My first orgasm was during my period (I was 13) and I have had other interesting sexual experience during my period. I then overcame much of the resistance and really enjoy it. Most of my girlfriends over the years have not been bothered at all. A few boyfriends have. As I moved into "older men" I found less resistance.
I still would not want to have a first experience with a man during my period. I have, though.
Skyclad on “Mutual Masturbation”
A lot of it probably has to do with the age/maturity level of the girl. I'm 20 and I *love* having mutual masturbation sessions with my boyfriend, but even two years ago I wouldn't have been comfortable with the thought of it. Perhaps a contributing factor in the difference between the sexes on this issue (I've never met a guy who didn’t want to masturbate for his girl) is what happens during puberty, not to mention societal influences. For guys, things basically just get bigger and hairier. With girls things get bigger and a little hairier too but we also bleed and end up on a wild emotional roller coaster. That'll make ya just a little self-conscious.
It takes a little while for us to mellow out and learn to enjoy ourselves and our partners. Communication goes a long way. If you'd like to see your girl pleasure herself, but she's shy about it, try telling her how attractive you find her to be and how you'd like to watch her enjoy herself. You can also work up to it by trying it in the dark first. Sure you wont see anything, but it'll help her get used to masturbating in your presence and maybe help her build her comfort level up enough to let you light a candle or even turn on the lights.
SexGoddess on “Mutual Masturbation”
OOOOOOOH My Favorite topic! Mutual masturbation (one of my many faves lol)
you know, if you want your woman to touch herself during intercourse or just together with you? Then let her know. if she's reluctant? Then just continue to give her compliments, tell her how sexy she is etc... she WILL open to it at some point.
Otherwise, you could also maybe take your hand and place it on her vagina to masturbate her and ask her to show you how she likes it. that may work as well.
Communication is key. keep those lines open and please, do not show any frustration, which will always make a woman who is nervous about anything more self-conscious.
Vette1963 on “Mutual Masturbation”
I believe that it is embarrassment on the woman’s part. talk to her communication is the key. I convinced my partner by explaining what A TURN ON IT WAS FOR ME and that I could learn from her actions what areas were her "sweet spots" other than the normal ones. now before we have intercourse she will cum 3 or 4 times and I have an erection that is so hard and when we cum together it is so intense. ask her why she doesn't like to play with her self then ask her to do it for you
Brandye on “Anal Sex”
Medically, it is a bad idea. Personally, I like my anus fiddled with during cunnilingus; penetration? Not in me, I have other orifice I am most willing to use.
It is "defecating backwards." The anus and the sphincter muscles around it are designed to keep stuff in until you decide to let it out. Then it is one-way passage. It lacks the elasticity of the vagina and is not really large enough.
At least in the beginning tearing will occur if only at a microscopic level. This admits bacteria and can cause nasty infections. For the penis involved, the enterobacteria will go right up the urethra and can cause horrible urethritis and prostatitis. I had a patient who ejaculated pure blood. His wife thought she had gotten her period unexpectedly!
In the long term, hemorrhoids will result.
Now, some of you will. Please, always use a condom and always use lots of lubricant. There are stretching exercises you can do if you are planning to do this. You would be amazed at the stuff removed from rectums in emergency rooms. Shot glasses seem to be a preferred way to show "what I can take!" Well, they seem a little embarrassed when I roll them on a firm pillow and get out the forceps.
OK, I am against it. For those who want to, do it safely. It is not as bad as smoking for your health.
Andy on “Sex Education”
I think that for teenagers or people who are new to having sex, this board is a very valuable resource. Where else are young people going to have questions answered about sex and sexuality? Sex education in schools leaves quite a bit to be desired, and asking parents or family members can be embarrassing, not to mention the fact that the reliability of information given is questionable most of the time.
I've learned a lot since finding this website, not just about sex, but also about dating, love, birth control, std's and a variety of other topics. I feel that it is important for this resource to be available to people of all ages for this reason.
What other way will a teenager find out about these things? Knowledge is power, especially when it comes to something as potentially fulfilling and potentially dangerous as sex.
Girlygirl on “Sexual Preference”
There is an annoyingly common belief that anyone who has had sex with people of both genders is automatically bisexual. Similarly, many people think that someone who has not had sex with members of both genders cannot be bi. By that logic, certain rape victims are bisexual, even if they are attracted to one or neither sex, and all virgins should be considered asexual. Like heterosexuality and homosexuality, bisexuality is a sexual preference, not a sexual history.
I have also heard it said that someone cannot be considered bi-curious after he/she has had sex with people of both genders. While "experimenting" may make it easier for someone to figure out his/her sexual preference, it will not necessarily solve the mystery once and for all. If the experimenter does not enjoy it, this may be due to factors unique to that particular partner or the specific things they did, not the gender as a whole. Even if the experimenter does enjoy it, it may just be because he/she happened to be horny at the time, and (to quote some book, I think it was called "She's Come Undone") "friction is friction".
Interestingly, these beliefs sometimes extend to homosexuality but never to heterosexuality.
These myths make sexual preference appear at once more and less complicated than it really is. All you need to know to determine your sexual preference is whether you are attracted to men, women, both or neither. But how many people know themselves that well?
Brandye on “Impotence”
Age matters; as does desire, testosterone level, blood supply and what he may be thinking about.
In short, what is happening is that the two little valves that hold the blood in the penis are letting go and it is draining out. This could have a physiological basis, especially with aging. It is these two little valves that Viagra helps. I have had some experience with "backing up" and having him lose interest. Once you get to working on the penis, stopping can be a surprise and the penis will go flaccid. Make it a progressive and stimulus increasing thing. And do not back up to whatever else you were doing.
As often as not, this is a psychological thing. He may be anxious about doing as well as others have for you or wondering about his own adequacy. Once a pattern of collapse begins, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If either men or women come close, our genitals are left engorged and it takes a while for the blood to go elsewhere. For us, we can easily masturbate and it goes away. In men, this can actually be a painful situation. The fact that he is getting soft indicates that he will not be left with physical pain but be frustrated and feel inadequate.
Some men, sometimes, simply need more stimulation. perhaps a bit of sucking or particular hand stimulation may help. Perhaps it is all in his head and there is nothing you can really do.
Short answer, physiologically the valves are opening and allowing blood to drain from the penis. Why? Too many potential reasons to go into. Age, stress, past experience, self-image, fatigue, fear of failure and on and on.
ItalStall on “Impotence”
To expand on Brandye's comments re:
"Some men, sometimes, simply need more stimulation. perhaps a bit of sucking or particular hand stimulation may help."
IF this is a psychological problem, it is vital to shift the emphasis from HAVING to perform. Next time you are having sex and this situation occurs, show him it is "no problem" by switching to other ways of pleasuring each other that do not require a firm erection.
He can still achieve orgasm even when fairly soft: orally, by hand ... whatever, so you CAN still "go all the way". Don't just stop sex (that will just make him feel worse physically and mentally); switch tactics instead. This should help by taking the pressure off him and he will relax. When and if he seems ready for full intercourse, make it a progression from this "safety base" and don't be frustrated if he loses it and you need to revert to what you were doing. Eventually if he sees you are not letting it bother/stop you, he will likely stop worrying and just get on with it too.
Most men who have this problem have a great deal of trouble talking about it. If he is one, nothing needs to be said, just deal with it by action, not words.
Final point: try positions where penetration is easier and make sure you are "ready" for him before he tries to penetrate ... if necessary use lubricant ... you want to make "the mission" as easy as possible for him! However, once he is in, friction is important to maintaining sensation, so adjust position if necessary, and don't be afraid to use your hand on the base of his penis and testicles as he strokes in and out.
ItalStall on “Older Men & Sex-drive”
First off, everyone is different; we all have different sex-drives, "interests" etc. From my similarly aged friends (men AND women), I know that many, if not all, have slowed their sex-lives somewhat as they have gotten older - just part of the biological clock I suppose. However, that DOESN'T mean that the old spring has rusted and broken off!! Just that the frequency may have lessened! Therefore, different sex-lives will have cooled down at different rates and by varying amounts. Personally, I still LOVE sex and so does my partner, though she likes it less frequently than me, which is sometimes frustrating - but hey, masturbation doesn't need to stop at 30!
Even for young people, when any relationship is brand new, it is at its most adventurous and exciting. As time goes by that is replaced more by the different pleasures that experience and knowledge of each other should bring. It stands to reason that the sex you do have should only get better and better; as you get older it's more how much you enjoy the sex you DO have (quality v quantity!). In your b/f's case, it's possible that "newness" has now (more quickly) gone and that from lack of experience he can't take it to that next step fast enough. If so, he may be feeling more frustrated than you.
Hazarding some guesses ... Maybe he is being honest here and hasn't had as much experience as you think. Maybe he is out of his depth trying to please a much younger woman (or maybe combine that with just having a lower sex-drive in the first place). Maybe what he wants from you, he feels afraid or embarrassed to ask. Maybe your "new look, weight, studying, etc" has affected his self-confidence and he fears losing you to a younger guy ... and on and on. Just some things to consider.
Of course, all this is "maybe's and could be's". Bottom line is, you have to keep communicating with him till you can both figure it out. At his age, he is probably pretty set in his ways and that might take some doing. But, once you have done that, you have a decent chance of sorting it. He might need medical help, sex counseling or just a patient partner to help him through. For your sake, you have to find out!
Brandye on “Older Men & Sex-drive”
Part of the aging process in men is the reduction of libido. Sperm production slows, testosterone levels fall and there is less natural drive. They can rise to the occasion for a weekend but day to day, sex plays a less central role. They will typically not get quite as rigid and hard and the recovery time takes longer.
I remember my only real male love. For most of two years we traveled, worked and lived together. I can count on one hand the days we missed making love. It was more than I needed but I understood his drive and learned to really enjoy the intimacy with an orgasm for me a couple times a week. I loved having him with me, in me and becoming a part of me with each ejaculation.
Today, there is a man nearly the age of my father. We see each other perhaps twice a year. Once in the evening and perhaps in the morning. He cares for an invalid wife in a small town where he is also the only doctor. I really think our liaisons are his total sex life.
The male peaks in drive and production at about 18; women peak in their desire about 28. There is often a second peak for women after menopause - no more periods, pregnancy not an issue and we can relax. I have not hit that yet but it is real for many.
You may be peaking as he is on the descent. What do you want? A sex partner, a life partner, a conversationalist. We all make choices. At this point my girlfriend and I each, when we take penis breaks, usually have slightly younger partners.
Girlygirl on “Being a Sex Addict”
I think being an addict has more to do with how you think than what you do. An addiction is something you can't do with out. You could have sex twenty times a day, but as long as you can happily take a break from it for a few days, you are probably not an addict. Likewise, you could have gone for years without getting laid, but if sex is all you think about, and you would rather do that than eat sleep or breath, you probably are an addict. Or maybe you're just 16 …
Guido on “Circumcision”
Many boys/men in the US today are circumcised and many more young boys continue to be. In an intact man, the sexually sensitive tissue unfolds to cover the shaft of the penis. The circumcised man has only a narrow band of this tissue remaining. Anywhere from 20% to 80% of the sexually sensitive tissue is removed! This sensitive region is normally much larger and folded inside the foreskin in the intact male, where it is moist and protected from constant stimulation. After circumcision, what remains of this region is exposed, dried out, and greatly desensitized.
As an uncircumcised male with an uncircumcised son, I have occasionally wondered WHY any parent would have their son circumcised. It seemed strange to me that it seemed to be a geographical or religious matter whether it was considered a good thing or not, rather than a pure medical matter. Religion does strange things to people’s reasoning, so I will put that aside. However, I really couldn’t figure why it is so popular in the US compared to (say) Europe.
I have recently discovered more information about circumcision and the reasoning used to justify it. The evidence is sickening! Incredibly, in the US, it is all to do with the sexophobic behavior of the late 1800’s / early 1900’s, and their misguided belief of the time, that circumcision was important to prevent masturbation. Just as with female circumcision in some parts of the world, the intent of male circumcision in America was to control sexual activity. It is clear from the historical evidence that circumcision in America was instituted in a futile attempt to prevent masturbation by reducing sexual sensitivity. Thankfully, circumcision rates have plummeted in the US as more men confront the real reason why they were sexually altered.
Many years ago, when it was thought important to prevent masturbation, American health authorities advocated circumcision. There is no longer any national or international public health authority in the western world that advocates routine circumcision - need I say more? And yet, there are still doctors today who profit from carrying out this practice!!
Even now, so-called “medical” reasons are still trotted out as justifications for this barbaric act, but interestingly the reasons came AFTER the practice became widespread. Here follows some of the so-called arguments and rebuttals for circumcision.
Neonatal circumcision in the US was born of Lie Number One in the late 1800's, and continues today under the combined pressure of Lies Number Two and Three.
• Lie Number One: Circumcision will reduce the sex drive and prevent masturbation.
Truth: While circumcision certainly reduces sexual satisfaction, there is no indication that it reduces masturbation or the drive to attain sexual satisfaction. This myth was the base on which circumcision was originally sold. Continental Europe's Puritans had emigrated (some to Britain and Australia, but most to America) so neonatal circumcision never became routine in Europe.
• Lie Number Two: Ten percent of the intact (not circumcised) boys will need circumcision later on in their lives.
Truth: Less than one percent of intact European men ever get this treatment for any medical condition whatsoever, yet they have a lower penile cancer rate than American men. European men also have lower rates of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases.
Israel and the US are the only industrialized countries where a male has a high risk of being circumcised. In Finland -- a non-circumcising country -- the operative rate is only a tiny fraction of this percentage. A male's risk of being circumcised for any reason during his entire lifespan is less than one in 16,000. In the US, the differences reflect an American attitude that the foreskin is expendable and the tendency to remove it at the first sign of trouble.
• Lie Number Three: Circumcision is a horribly painful experience for older males, but it doesn't really hurt babies, so it should be done now.
Truth: There is an abundance of evidence from scientific journals, medical personnel, and parents, that circumcision is a horribly painful experience for babies. No anesthetic is used during infant circumcision because of the real hazards (death) of anesthetizing newborns. (Even if an anesthetic were used, the wound would stay very sore for several days.) The degree to which circumcision contributes to the shamefully high infant mortality rate in the US is hidden, because fatal circumcision complications are recorded under whatever was the immediate cause of death, e.g., hemophilia, or gastric rupture, or a disease that resulted from infection, etc.
Some would have us believe that this surgery is benign, but the anti-circumcision net sites are peppered with horror stories of circumcisions gone wrong, and tales of parents whose child was circumcised without their permission. With infants it is usually hospital error; with older children it can happen during a routine doctor's visit for a vaccination. Sudden pressure for an immediate circumcision is sometimes successful, especially if brought on a parent while the spouse is away and not immediately available for consultation.
So, if you ever have a male child and consider the option of circumcision, please hark back to this post and think twice … and then think again!
Guido on “Incest/Sibling Masturbation”
ALL kids, as they grow up, have a natural interest in their own and other people's bodies. The bodies they are most likely to come into contact with are their own and those of their close family. With kids of approximately the same age (siblings or not), it is not so strange that the interest might become mutual and still remain perfectly innocent in nature, with nothing more than "look and touch" and (yes) maybe even mutual masturbation - no bad motive, just because it feels good! Eventually, as they grow a little older, they understand that some things (although ok) are private, and they usually grow out of it. So far, I see no problem ... If they don't grow out of it and it is still equally consentual, then I am still not convinced there is a real problem.
The real problem does DEFINITELY arise where there are children of differing ages and levels of development, where one child has some physical or psychological influence over the other (such as an older sibling has over a younger one), and uses it to persuade or force the other child into what the older child knows are sexual acts. The younger child is being taken advantage of - that is plain wrong!
The basic point here is no different than for adults where one partner is not consenting. Any time that anyone coerces someone who does not consent to do something, THAT is what is wrong! Whether you agree with incest (or not) is not the real issue here. The issue here is that ANY sexual acts are only ok if BOTH parties are of an age and maturity to properly consent. (In the case where both kids are equally very young and innocent, it really isn't an "intended sexual act", it is just part of self-discovery.)
In the case of ADULT incest, if both partners consent (and as long as no child comes of it, because of the genetic issues), then whether it is wrong or not depends on your personal point of view. "Live and let live", I say. I don't have to condone something to believe in a person's right to make their own decision and for them not to be condemned for having an unconventional lifestyle.
BondageKat on “Penis size”
In my experience, a long and straight penis can feel great but can also cause a lady to go "ouch, my uterus!" And if a guy is 8 inches or more then he can forget anything anal. My personal preference is for something in the 5-7 inches range, with a good girth (which for me is around 4 inches). For me, girth is more important because I love the feeling of being filled. I'm not overly concerned about straight or curved, although a curved penis usually has a better time hitting my G-spot, which can be a lot of fun.
But honestly, I think it's all about how a man uses what he's been given. I have never been disappointed in sex because of the man's penis - the two times I have been disappointed it was definitely by the performance.
Andyaz on “Penis size”
WOW! I can't believe the wealth of misinformation. Of course, it got started fifty years ago with Kinsey's famous poll that put the average at around 6.5 inches. The problem was that his statistics were severely "exaggerated" (which he readily admitted to) by relying on the accuracy of measurements taken and reported by the participants themselves.
I don't know why guys feel compelled to lie in an anonymous survey (denial?), but it's been shown that on *average*, they'll add at least an inch to the truth even in that situation. So, you can absolutely depend on every web poll to be undependable.
Fortunately, there have been a number of scientifically conducted medical studies in recent years that show the true average erect length to be between 5.1" and 5.4", with the majority of men falling within a one inch range roughly centered on the average. Also, the percentage of those with 9 inches and above isn't even a double digit. The average girth is around 4.75" to 5", and most men are pretty close to that, too.
Hard to believe? Of course it is. Men *LIE*. Even those who have 8 inches will add one more, and the ones who would need to add 2 or 3 inches just to be "respectable" generally say nothing instead. It's a rare man who will admit to having "only" five inches (or less), but as a gay guy who's personally inspected more penises than I care to say, I will say that before the zipper comes down, I'm expecting about 5.5", give or take a half inch, and I'm usually right.
Druid on “Penis size”
I'm one of the females that voted the 8"-9" range. Personally I do have experience in the different sizes. I've been with a 4.5, a 6, an 8 and a 9. Three of which were quite a bit above average in the girth area as well.
Brand me a size-queen, but yep the 8 and 9 were more fun. Sure it hurts like crazy unless you use a lot of lube and patience, but there's something to be said for the endorphin rush that accompanies that kind of stretching.
Also, in my experience, the men with larger than average penises were actually more aware of their actions in bed and were more careful not to hurt their partner. I'm sure many men of all sizes are extremely considerate lovers, I just was not fortunate enough to meet them.
Even with my preference, I definitely agree that the penis does not make the man and that there's nothing undesirable about an average or below average penis. All penises are great if used properly by great men. Just because some of us happen to prefer a larger one doesn’t mean we don’t also appreciate the smaller ones.
?wiseman? on “Nympho Problem”
Multiple partners, of any age, heighten your risk for STDs, Pregnancy, infection, etc. And what about the potential ostrasization from your peer group?
Babyblue, you're clearly concerned about your sexual activities and that means there's a problem. If you're not comfortable with your actions, sexual or otherwise, then you need to seek some council as Brandye suggests. You may or may not have a problem, but you clearly think you do and I applaud you for using your head. If your parent(s) knows that you're sexually active, but you're not comfortable talking with them, tell them that you would like to speak with a counselor. You don't have to tell them why, just that it has to do with your sexual maturation. If that's not an option, go to a planned parenthood clinic and speak with someone there. If they believe that you should speak with a specialist, I'm sure that they could point you in the right direction with confidentiality.
Babyblue, please don't delay because you need to become more comfortable with yourself and speaking with someone will be the best first step.
Sexyone on “Online Cybering”
"I just want to know why he feels the need to do this?"
The only way you will truly know the answer to this question is to ask him. Neither you nor the people in this community can truly tell you what he is thinking or what he feels. Ask him. Maybe start by saying what you feel and then explain that you would like to better understand what he is feeling and why he is doing this.
"I mean do guys not feel sharing such intimate pics is wrong esp. when u have a girlfriend."
I am a girl and I don't feel there is anything wrong with this other than the fact that it is hurting you. I am married and my husband and I occasionally exchange naked pictures with others. When we were in Cancun, Mexico last year we even took naked pictures with a neighbor in our hotel, a stranger who was taking naked pictures next door.
"if I make him so happy why does he feel the need to share such private stuff w/ other girls he doesn't know"
No one can get all their needs met by one person. It would not be fair to you or to him if you tried or expected to meet all his needs. This is one of the big reasons relationships fail, this unrealistic expectation that one "other" can meet all of another’s needs. I noticed you started this statement with IF, maybe you need to talk with him about whether or not you are meeting his needs and IF there is anything that either of you can do to better meet both of your needs.
"I gave that up. I don’t really know what exactly my question is I just need some insight on this. should I feel jealous, threatened, worried? or is this just all part of a male's healthy sex life? please help?"
Feelings are very personal. No one here can tell you what you should feel. Instead I would encourage you to discover and work through what you do feel. It sounds like this situation hurts you at least a little and that maybe you are even a little angry. It also sounds like because you "gave that up" you just expected that he would also. Again you are falling into the relationship myth of believing that someone will automatically change because of they are now in a relationship with you.
"he's mentioned many times b4 that his past girlfriends cheated on him and that is something that he doesn't tolerate at all so I never thought that id have to worry about that esp. from his side of the relationship."
It sounds like you feel that he is cheating on you. Maybe he does not thing that he is cheating on you and is unaware that you consider this cheating.
"I would confront him more about stuff but technically I'm really snooping where I don’t belong and him knowing this would probably just make things worse"
If you don't talk to him the situation will get worse anyway because of the negative feeling you are already having. I would suggest starting the conversation by admitting that you were wrong for snooping but that you would like to talk about this anyway because it is [hurting/angering/surprising whatever word goes best] you.
I think you need to admit to yourself how you feel and then talk to him about it. Focus on what you feel as opposed to what he did wrong so that he won't feel like he is being attacked.
Guido on “Cheating, What Is It?”
Sex is expressed with love or without it; love is expressed with sex or without it. So the two are separate things. Sex is about the body, love is about the mind. Love is about a relationship, sex is not necessarily so!
Many people choose to exclusively combine the two, and of course that's fine, but many do not and prefer to have sex and love separately!
A relationship is about trust. "Swingers" are honest about the multiple sex partners with their love partner. No trust is broken, so the relationship is good.
Studies show that many swingers have long, happy relationships, because the love and trust are there, while the sex may be everywhere!
Sexyone on “Cheating, What Is It”
I think a good point has been made about cheating, trust, and communication. First there needs to be a definition of what is cheating or breaking a trust and it needs to be communicated among partners.
Having said that I would not cheat on my partner by doing something that we both feel betrays the trust within our relationship. We both look at other people we even tell each other about people we think are attractive. We've even talked about having sexual playmates. But I would never get a playmate before I was sure my husband was ok with it.
Yippi on “Cheating, What Is It?”
To put it simply, whatever example you apply:
If either of you consider it "cheating", then it is.
If both of you consider it "not cheating", then it isn't.
The critical thing as always is communication, so as to have a clear understanding of what falls into which category. If in doubt, don't expect your partner to know how you feel, and don't guess at how they feel.
Stephanie083099 on “Men’s Magazines”
My b/f looks at those magazines, at first it really bothered me to the point where when I would find one, I would hide it on him. But then I just realized, everyone has fantasies and likes to look at other girls, and long as he doesn’t react to his fantasies, then it shouldn’t be a problem, let guys be guys, everyone has to have there fun.
Hereandnow on “Female Odor”
If he was talking about your vagina, he was certainly (shall we say) a tad insensitive!
However, some smell is actually a GOOD thing! I love the natural scent of a woman - vagina or anywhere else. Research shows it is a natural and powerful aphrodisiac!
As in any aspect of sex, hygiene is key - there is a difference between scent and B.O.
ItalStall on “Deviant Sexual Behavior”
Quote (ryan192 @ Feb. 06 2003,14:37)
She also would let her dog lick her down there if you know what I mean. I’m not kidding. Is that normal sexual exploration for a child? Our relationship is wonderful with no complications so it does not seem to have affected her negatively.
Like most things that are frowned on by society, people don't tend to advertise or even admit that they practice any kind of so-called "deviant behavior". This probably isn't the average person's interest, and I think I can safely say that most would consider it a little gross. But who is to say what is normal and what isn't? "Normal" is just a matter of opinion, not fact! What is normal for one person, community or society is not necessarily for another.
I have heard of this type of "exploration" more than once. It can be a one-off act, based on spur-of-the-moment inquisitiveness (say, like trying out an unusual object), or a deliberate interest in full-blown Bestiality. It most certainly is not restricted to kids! Again, I suspect both are not as unusual as some would (like to) believe; you might be amazed at what is going on behind your neighbors closed curtains - or maybe not!
Regarding what is normal:
Is this commonly accepted practice in our society? - no!
Would we want to encourage kids to carry out this specific type of self-discovery? - no!
Is it normal or healthy for kids to self-explore? - absolutely yes!
Will they find all kinds of weird and wonderful ways of carrying out that discovery? - you bet, and good for them as long as they enjoy it!
If you look again at your last (quoted) sentence, you kind of answered your own question! If everything "is wonderful with no complications" be mighty grateful that she is as self-aware as she is. There are a lot of relationships out there suffering terribly, with one or both partners sexually frigid as a result of being subjected to what our society calls a "normal" (read "close-minded") upbringing.
Justme on “Penis Enlargement”
There is NOTHING that can enlarge your penis. Most things that advertise that they do only end up screwing up your shaft. There are some exercises that can help you control when you cum, but none of them can make you longer, bigger, or stronger. The penis just isn't like other muscles that grow with exercise.
Tell your girlfriend to chill out and love you for who you are. I bet you could come up with a complaint about her body if you wanted to. No one is perfect.
Demonbuttercup on “Masturbation”
no matter what girls say most of them have at one time or another...lol
and yes most guys find it very erotic to watch girls touch themselves... when me b/f and I are having sex and ill start massaging my clit... sometimes he just stops and watches for a min or so...he says he really enjoys it
umm but when he's not around I have a hello kitty vibrating "massager" that I like to use hehe
Brandye on “Lesbianism”
Yes, vette, I am bi-. I also have dual citizenship! Irrelevant but it keeps thing balanced.
My g/f and I have known each other our entire lives starting on a small island in the Hebrides. We planned our own defloration and, with my sister's help, prepared and seduced our boyfriends the same night when we were fifteen. We discovered that the sex was not all that great. As we discussed that, we began to demonstrate what we wished "he" would do. Fill in the blank.
We went to separate universities and each had various affairs. I went to med school in another country and lived with a guy the whole time. During advanced training in Canada I fell in love with a wonderful Croatian colleague. We were planning marriage when he died in Kosovo. She married and had a son and then a nasty divorce.
We rediscovered each other and have been "together" ever since. We are each bi- and each have a need for a penis several times a year. We have rules and that is a protected part of our lives.
The lesbian love is more relaxed and intuitive. We understand what movements are seeking; tender breasts or cramps can be identified with. The clear goal of my vagina that is always present in straight sex is not there. We linger and enjoy.
I do feel uncompleted. There is nothing like a penis in me. And there is the biological function - the vagina has as its only purpose holding a penis until it empties. There is psychological satisfaction in having those millions and millions of sperm swimming around in me.
Possibly half the women in the world have had at least one lesbian-like contact. Because women are the majority, some have no other sex life. Some of us like both.
We are no threat to straights and we do not recruit. We are simply sexual beings handling that as we find adequate. This is a sexuality forum and gays, bi-s and, even, celibates are sexual beings as much as straights.
Some people think I sin with a woman; some, with a man. They still bring their daughters to me for their first gyn exam and my locally famous "talk."
Girlygirl on “Lesbianism”
You might as well ask why some women are straight. Couldn't they get more satisfaction from someone with a lifetime of experience with a woman's body? Keep in mind that many women have a much easier time reaching orgasm from clitoral stimulation than "having their vagina filled with the real thing." Fingers and tongues are just as "real" as penises.
Anyhow, this is all beside the point. The terms homosexual, bisexual and heterosexual are rather misleading in that sexual preference is not all about sex. sex and lust are certainly a part of it, but what it all comes down to is who you find attractive and who you can fall in love with. There are very few people who would base love (or even lust) entirely on the other person's ability to get them off.
Girlygirl on “Female Shaving”
First off, I myself shave my pubic hair. I find this look very sexy both on both myself and other women. I think of it as getting a little more naked. I have never liked the partially shaved look, but that is a matter of personal opinion.
On the other hand, the "natural" look can also be quite appealing. In the same way that lingerie can be sexier than total nudity, pubic hair leaves an element of mystery.
There is nothing wrong with shaving your pubic region, but there is also nothing wrong with leaving it the way it is. It is okay to simply prefer the shaved look, but you should not think of your pubic hair as an "eye sore." It's natural, it's beautiful, and it's part of being a woman.
Anyhow, shaving is a pain in the butt. Sometimes literally.
Guido on “Smell After Sex”
men and women BOTH have a different smell after sex. it is a wonderfully sexy aroma.
I can never understand women (and I guess some guys do it too) that rush off to "detoxify" immediately after sex - also seems a bit insulting to your partner in my view!
I’m not suggesting that anyone "stew in it" either though ... lol ... like nicolee says, a shower later is a good idea. just don't be having a bed-bath while the action is still on!
Brandye on “Smell After Sex”
For those of us who are accepting the semen directly into us, we will always have that problem. Semen is absorbed through the vaginal walls and enters the bloodstream. Some women can actually taste semen an hour or so after vaginal sex. The mucous membrane of the mouth emits the flavor from the bloodstream. It can be noticed on the breath. This is not common but it is not rare, either.
For all of us, the morning after, or just a few hours after, our bottoms do smell of the semen and our own lubrication that, exposed to air, becomes rather nasty smelling. If you wash after sex, this is somewhat ameliorated but there is continuing drainage for a few hours. Some women douche after sex because of this. I recommend against douching with a healthy vagina. It washes out the good stuff with the bad and actually makes one more prone to yeast infection.
My recommendation: Keep clean and accept this as part of a healthy sex life.
Jaime on “Annoying Posts”
Well I just got here and everything I've read so far has been interesting to say the least. I guess IMO if someone annoys me I'll just move on to the next post. We all wouldn't hang out together in the real world so why would we all see eye-2-eye here either?
My grandfather always told me that 1/3 of the people you meet will adore you, 1/3 will abhor you and the other 1/3 won't give a rat's ass - go grampa!
Atomic on “How do I Know If I Am Gay”
the question is: do you feel attracted to men? YES: then chances are you're bi-curious/bi-sexual/gay. Are you EXCLUSIVELY attracted to men: then the chances of you being gay are good. You cannot stop yourself from being gay any more than you can stop yourself being of a different race. It's nature and it's there to stay.
Rather than wanting to stop it, concentrate on the positive side of things rather than whatever you've been told that is negative. Being gay is slowly becoming more socially acceptable (took the world long enough....) and others are quite willing to share info/life story's etc. so read up a bit on teenage homosexuality or join an online chat forum for gay teens. Ask questions, to others and to yourself, and celebrate life-gay or straight or whatever!! Good luck and keep smiling.
Stephanie 083099 on “The Sex Bible”
Be up for anything, try new things and experiment a lot.
Jaime on “Role Playing”
Well, what really turns you on? Pick a wild and crazy even forbidden temptation. Dress the part and go with it!! Usually I think it helps if one person takes the lead and sort of "gives orders" of who should do what to who......I think a lot of verbalizing works well to stay focused on the roles. Use nicknames.....even if they are naughty......teacher, good boy, Mam, Sir, little tramp, my little virgin......etc. What ever works for you. Hope that gives you some ideas. Have fun!!
SexGoddess27 on “Piercings”
I had my tongue pierced at one time. It took forever to heal but I loved it! My ears are pierced as well. I’m all for piercings as long as it's done right. I don't have any particular turn-ons about it though.
One thing that made me think about body piercings was when I spoke with my doctor. it's possible to get diseases through piercings such as, hepatitis. (that goes for body piercings, tongue, vagina, penis tattoos as well).
I do have a tattoo on my breast and one thing you want to do before getting a tattoo or piercing is make SURE that they sterilize EVERYTHING right in front of you in an autoclave (sp). If they don't, then refuse to get anything done.
After all, you don't know where those needles have been or who they were on etc..
Girlygirl on “Piercings”
I used to have my nipples pierced. There are a lot of risks and disadvantages. For one thing, this is a very sensitive area, so it is a very very painful piercing. Some people even say it is more painful than a genital piercing. I wouldn't go that far, but it comes close. It also takes several months to heal. During this time, your piercings require lots of cleaning and care, your nipples can't be touched by anyone but you, the holes will ooze this gross white discharge, the slightest touch or jostle will cause you a great deal of pain, and, as my own experience demonstrates, all sorts of things can go wrong with the piercings, including infection and rejection to name a few.
But there are also advantages. Obviously, the piercings look very sexy (at least to some people). The rings are fun to play with (once they are healed, of course). In most cases, including my own experience, they make the nipples deliciously sensitive. However, be forewarned: occasionally piercings can make them lose sensitivity instead. The Victorians believed that piercing nipples made the breasts get bigger (believe it or not, they had a brief nipple-piercing fad), but I have my doubts about that.
Please consider the pros and cons carefully before you make your decision. Look for a good piercer with lots of experience and an autoclave. Whatever you do don't try to pierce them yourself.
Druid on “Being Non-judgmental”
One of the main attractions of this site is that it strives to remain nonjudgmental. Most of the people whose posts I have read do an excellent job of fostering the sort of environment that makes it possible for others to seek the kind of knowledge that cannot be easily sought elsewhere. Why is guycr's quest for understanding received any differently than those who would inquire about other fetishes that may not appeal to the masses?
He has harmed no one with his question, yet he is chastised and labeled a "sickie" by some of the members here. Yes I understand that people may be curious about the reasoning behind his uncommon fetish and may naturally question him about it, but there is no reason to over-react and demand that the moderator step in and start revoking constitutional rights. The issue of liability is completely nonexistent since no instructions were ever even provided by myself or other posters. Furthermore, anyone who was not entirely daft would realize that any time that a person engages in an activity in which blood is drawn or shared, there are innumerable negative consequences that can result. Judging by guycr's posts, he has shown himself to be of more than enough intelligence to know the obvious consequences of his potential actions. His last posting would indicate that, as he is now informed of some of the lesser-known side effects, he may choose not to partake in bloodplay.
Whether he does or not is his own personal decision and it doesn't make him crazy or sane either way. It also doesn't mean that anyone has a right to judge him or his particular fetish. I don't know about the rest of you, but I would much rather have someone ask a question like his and gain the knowledge to make an informed decision than have them break out the knives and play it by ear. When people are ostracized to the point where they stop asking for advice and information about risky practices, THAT is when accidents happen and lives are lost.
I will climb down off my soapbox now, but I ask you to keep something in mind when you reply to future posts that you may not agree with. The thing that makes this site stand out from the rest of the pack, the very thing that makes it worth coming back to time and again, is the lack of judgmental bickering and hypocritical name-calling that pervades just about every other board out there. Let's keep it that way.
Brandye on “Penis Running Out Of Gas”
Not unusual. Now you are trying so hard and being so concerned that the loss of erection has become a self-fulfilling prophesy. If your girlfriend is not upset, take that as a sign that she has confidence. When that happens, have her try another approach. Hand, mouth, tickle, shaking - whatever comes to her mind. This will further build your confidence.
Men who experience this often have more "difficulty" in one or another position. Supporting yourself on top as you approach takes more energy. For some men, being on bottom shifts the control and this softens them. Talk it out and try different approaches.
Bobnova on “Penis Running Out Of Gas”
I've had this happen a couple of times, for a couple of different reasons.
The first, was when I was just getting into sex, and the act of putting on a condom killed my erection two thirds of the time (major pain in the ass). That one we solved by switching birth control methods (we both know that neither of us has any STDs).
More recently this has happened a few times, when we start having sex a second time, shortly after the first. If I don't get a fairly large amount of stimulation, it just goes limp. I've found three things that help, and here they are:
1) Find the muscles that control your erection (the same ones you use to stop pissing) when you feel yourself going soft, or while your putting a condom on, or whatever, clench these, and hold them. You will probably have to "work them out" for a while before you can hold them for any length of time (next time you take a piss, practice stopping it mid stream). These are the ones that the semi-famous "Kegel" exercises (http://www.sexinfo101.com/ic_kegel.shtml), strengthen, do those anyway, as they after a while, make any sex better, for both parties.
2) Think about, or picture what your doing with, about to do with, or was doing with, your girlfriend (in turn you on the most, give yourself a imaginary porno to watch)
3) change positions. If you’re not getting enough stimulation, switch to something you get more in, missionary is one of the better ones for guys, though not so great for girls. Think back to porn, and try some of those (you'll probably want to try them before using them to combat loosing your erection, as switching and trying to figure it out isn't exactly stimulating).
P.S. the hardest part is not worrying about the fact that you’re loosing the erection, which is the one thing you shouldn't be thinking about, naturally.
Justme2 on “Being Overweight”
Well, as a "woman of size" for all my life, I have to say that I've rarely had trouble finding friends or lovers once I got out of high school. I'll admit that it can limit the number of positions I can try (though I've been doing exercises and have become fairly limber!), but I don't think I'm missing too much.
I admit that I get the same anxiety when meeting a potential new lover, and there've been a few times I've sent out a pic only to not hear from the guy again, but I just figure, "Hey, it's his loss!"
Your B/F knows that there's more there than just a cute ass -- he enjoys the WHOLE person, which is what's important, right?