Monday, December 10, 2007

Q & A: After sex I want to cuddle and talk

I have been married for 7 years to a wonderful man. We have a satisfying sex life except for one area. After sex I want to cuddle and talk a while and my husband more often than not rolls over and goes to sleep. It leaves me feeling lonely after being so intimate moments earlier. Is something wrong with me? What can I do?


Dear Carol,

Masters and Johnson's research taught us that women not only need more time to become aroused and reach orgasm, but also they need more time to come down from that wonderful plateau of peak excitement. So while you are still feeling the need to touch and be touched, your husband is completely satisfied and ready to go to sleep. To be forced to come down on your own each time you engage in sexual activity does leave women feeling 'lonely'.

Talk to your husband when you are not in bed. Explain your needs for touching and talking for a few minutes after sex. This does not mean you should take this quiet time as an opportunity to discuss children, bills or the new outfit you saw while shopping. This is the time to tell each other how wonderful you make each other feel and how much in love you are.

Think of afterplay as foreplay for your next love making session. If your partner remembers you complaining about the utility bill... his choice next time will most likely be sleep. Whisper sweet loving words or share a romantic thought and he will be coming back for more.

I dont mean to sound as though I am placing all the blame on men when it comes to lack of afterplay. Many men also complain about not getting enough intimacy after sex. Afterplay is an often neglected area of sexual activity and if both partners do not make a conscious effort to remedy the situation it continues, leaving a trail of unsatisfaction. Talk to your partner... it only takes a few minutes!

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