Q. Have you published an article for women who really want to be able to perform oral sex on their partner but have trouble overcoming the gag reflex?
My wife of 13 years tried before we got married and never had success overcoming mental and physical obstacles that turn her away from completing this act. We do now experiment and talk about different ideas. We are able to talk about our desires and expectations and she has indicated that she is leaning toward improving her ability to do this for me. She even doesn't mind warming me up by doing a little sucking to start. She truly wants to finish the job, but it is like eating oysters for some people and guacamole for others. A mental barrier is pretty tough to overcome.
So, what advice can you give another woman about overcoming this inhibition? and...
What advice can you give another woman about "How to give a perfect Blow-Job"?
Dear Jacob's Wife,
The best oral sex, whether it be cunnilingus or fellatio, is given by a person who is turned on by what he/she is doing and wants to bring pleasure to their partner. Like anything else, practice makes one proficient. It is important to tell your partner what feels good and what doesn't.
If you have a very sensitive gag reflex there are a few different ways to help overcome this problem. Pleasure Balm is a product in the Kama Sutra line of massage products that is icy hot, spearmint in taste and has a slight numbing effect.
It is said that Pleasure Balm helps control the gag reflex.
Always stay in control of the action. This means you should always be in a superior position where he cannot control the depth or speed of the penetration. Use one or both hands wrapped at the base of the penis to aid in avoiding deep penetration when your husband starts thrusting as he becomes more aroused.
The time to practice relaxing and opening your throat (if you choose to do so) is shortly after you start fellatio, when your husband is not extremely aroused. Ask him not to thrust at all and concentrate on relaxing your throat as you slowly move down the shaft and take more of his penis into your mouth.
A good 'blow job' is more than just using your mouth for sucking. Your tongue and lips should be used for licking and kissing the scrotum, the shaft, the corona and the glans. In a short time you will learn which areas bring your husband the most stimulation and pleasure.
Remember it is not necessary to deep throat your partner in order for him to be satisfied. You should find techniques that please both of you. It is sometimes helpful to shower together before oral sex if natural body odors are offensive to you. Flavored lubricants can also be helpful.
If the idea of having your partner ejaculate in your mouth is not appealing, know that this too is not a requirement for great fellatio. You can use your hands to bring him to orgasm. Many men find it very stimulating to watch their ejaculate explode onto their wife's body.