Q. I'm wondering if there are any books explaining how to extend ones lovemaking. Or more to the point, how to control ejaculation so that it doesn't occur quite as quickly.
I don't think my condition qualifies as "premature," but I certainly am quicker to come than my girlfriend would like.
Thanks for your help.
There are many degrees of premature ejaculation the most severe being, where the man ejaculates at the thought that he is going to have sex with a woman. It can also be defined as any time the man cannot keep himself from orgasming before HE wants to. That is to say if his partner requires 20 minutes of intercourse before she reaches orgasm and he climaxes after 15 minutes, he is ejaculating prematurely because he cannot delay his climax as long as he would like.
There are a couple of quick fixes you can try but I feel as though they take away some of the pleasure. Wearing condoms will sometimes make men last longer as some of the sensation is dulled. The same is true of the delay creams and sprays, while they do seem to work for most men, they also dull the sensations.
Learning the techniques for control is the best way by far. The techniques are simple but it does take some time and practice to achieve satisfying results. It is usually recommended that you refrain from intercourse while you are learning the techniques although you need not refrain from orgasm.
The first step is to be able to recognize the feeling that you get just before you orgasm. It is the moment just BEFORE the point of no return. For this exercise you must masturbate slowly with or without a partner, paying close attention to the sensations you are feeling. It is helpful if you do not use any lubrication at this time. Your goal is to slow down before you reach the edge where there is no stopping your orgasm.
For some men it will be enough to just slow the activity, others may need to stop completely, while still others will need to stop and squeeze the base of the penis till the urge to climax has passed.
There is a muscle, the pubococcygeus or PC, that when strengthened will help delay orgasm also. The PC muscle can be found on a man by placing a finger behind the testicles while pretending you are stopping the flow of urine. Once you know where the muscle is, and how it works, you can practice tightening it in sets of ten. The exercise is the same for both men and women, but in women it allows for the muscle to tighten around her partner's penis.