Monday, December 10, 2007

Q & A: She needs more touching

Q. My wife of 15 years has been complaining to me that she needs more touching. I try to manually stimulate her, but this usually brings about a rapid advance to our quest for orgasm. Even though I know she has orgasms, she still refers to this 'need for touching.' Can you help me... I guess I'm lost.


Dear Derek,

Much research (using baby monkeys) has been done on solitary confinement. When left totally alone, the monkeys appear to go 'totally crazy' but the addition of a cloth doll to cuddle and hold, eases them back to reality.

The need to touch and be touched is very strong in humans also.

Touching should not be confined to the genitals. Attention should be given to every part of your partner's body. Touching, rubbing, stroking, licking, nibbling all produce lovely tactile sensations. Massage is another wonderful way to enjoy the benefits of touching. Try lying on top of each other naked and enjoying the sensations from moving your bodies slightly.

Full body contact can lead to interesting finds of new pleasure areas. You needn't limit your touching to the use of your hands. Even playing footsie under the dinner table will let your partner know you are thinking of her.

Kissing is another form of touching that should not be overlooked. It can be done anywhere and at anytime depending on the intensity of the kiss.

Many people have a pleasure zone centered around oral activities. The sensations evoked from kissing can be so intense that many people kiss each other for hours. Most often kissing is a more gentle activity but when passions are high and the mood is intense, nibbling or light biting is sometimes included. Rough kissing is usually a turn-off and should be avoided. French kissing or deep mouth kissing is enjoyed by most, but if your partner finds it offensive, don't force your tongue into her mouth.

Of course we all know it is important to touch before and during sex play, but it is also important to touch at other times throughout our day. A welcome hug and kiss can be the beginning of an evening of foreplay leading to great sex, but it should be understood that touching does not necessarily lead to sex. Touching is a sign of affection and should be practiced daily to show your partner that you care for her.

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