Monday, December 10, 2007

Q & A: Some hints to make it better first time

Q. I am a 22 year old female virgin. I am soon to be married and although I know my fiance wants my first sexual experience to be wonderful, I am scared.

He has very high expectations for it and I don't want to let him down.. or myself for that matter. Can you give us some hints to make it better for both of us.


Dear Sally,

Let me first take the pressure off of you. Most women do not have an orgasm the first time they have sex. You need to know that if this happens to you, you are not a failure. Good sex comes with time and patience. It is a process of learning each others likes and dislikes and also learning to relax.

There are ways of making your first time special, even if you do not orgasm. Sexual play with someone you love is not just about orgasms. It is a form of communication with your partner... the most intimate communication possible.

Im sure the image of your honeymoon night has entailed all kinds of fantasies. Be forwarned, if you are having a big wedding and plan on leaving the reception after dancing and drinking all evening, to go to a hotel for great sex, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. You waited this long, wait till morning, when you are not so tired and can take your time.

Im not telling you not to kiss or hug or touch.. just not to feel you have to have intercourse because you are married.

Whenever you decide to have intercourse the first time, know that it will be remembered for its surroundings and ambiance.. not for the great sex! If morning appeals to you, have some champagne and orange juice in bed together.. maybe shower together and take time to learn how each others bodies respond to touch.

If evening is more your style... light candles around the room, play soft music and dance together naked, holding each other close. The more sensual you make your surroundings the more sensual you will feel, and feeling sensual is what good sex is all about.

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