Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Q & A: Multiple orgasm - do they really exist?

Q. I am a 38 yr old woman. My husband and I have a wonderful sex life but I have never had a multiple orgasm. Do they really exist and if so, why dont I have them?


Dear Jean,

We don't really know why some women are multi-orgasmic and others are not. Researchers believe most women can learn to develope this response.

According to Masters and Johnson, the female body goes through four stages of arousal:

  • Excitement - the vaginal lips enlarge and become lubricated, the vulva and lower part of the vagina swell and the upper paert of the vagina lengthens.

  • Plateau - the upper two thirds of the vagina enlarge and lengthen further, the uterus elevates and the clitoris retracts.

  • Orgasm - the uterus goes through rhythmic contractions, the toes curl and maximum sensation is experienced.

  • Resolution - the uterine contractions fade, and the heart rate, breathing and blood pressure (all of which steadily increased during the previous phases) return to normal.

Multiple orgams, a series of orgasms with no break in between, tend to occur while the woman is still in the plateau stage. Rather than the womans body moving from orgasm to resolution, the body moves back to plateau, then to orgasm and repeats.
Seqential orgasms are orgasm that occur after a slight rest period. The body must start at the excitement phase and move forward from there.

There is no right or wrong way to orgasm. If you would like to obtain a multi-orgasmic response you can try to sustain stimulation after climax. Some women find this painful so be sure you or your partner use a gentle but constant touch.

Q & A: Some tips on cunnilingus

My partner and I love to engage in cunnilingus, but I'm not sure I am doing all that I can be doing to please her. She is uncomfortable telling me what she likes or wants so could you give me some tips so I can be the lover of her dreams?

Thanks in advance,

Cunning lingus

Dear Cunning,

Communication with a woman is very important when performing cunnilingus in order to learn the appropriate amount of pressure she prefers. If you have tried to discuss this with your partner and she is uncomfortable, you will have to use her responses as your guide. Some women prefer not to have direct or firm stimulation on the clitoris until they are near the peak stage of arousal. Insertion of an object or fingers into the vagina or anus can enhance stimulation for some but is not necessary.

It is important to convince some women that you truly do enjoy what you are doing. This can be accomplished by the simple act of moaning or by performing cunnilingus when you do not expect reciprocation.

Begin cunnilingus with foreplay and gradually work your way to the genitals. The more time you spend kissing and touching her, the more stimulated your partner will become and her clitoris will be easier to locate as it will be hard and swollen.

Next, move your tongue slowly around the vagina and into it, lick softly around the clitoris, slowly bringing your tongue closer and increasing pressure as you come in contact with the clitoris. If your partner shrinks back at this point you will know to apply less pressure or to just lick the sides of the clitoris. Many women are so sensitive that they cannot tolerate direct clitoral stimulation. Alternate licking and sucking or use a combination of the tongue and lips.

Many women prefer to have vaginal penetration before they orgasm rather than continued oral sex. She will either tell you she wants you inside her or start to pull your body into position. If your partner prefers to orgasm from cunnilingus, this is the time to suck and avoid using the tip of your tongue on her clitoris as it will be very sensitive at the moment of orgasm and shortly afterward.

Q & A: How do I find woman's "g" spot?

Q. My wife recently began talking about an article she read relating to a woman's "g" spot. Is there any advice you can give me to find out more information on this topic? For instance where is it, what can I do to find it, etc?


G-Spot Curious

Dear Curious:

The G-spot or Graftenburg Spot is located in spongy tissue on the ceiling of the vagina toward the front. When a woman is sexually aroused this tissue swells to about the size of a quarter. You should be able to feel it with your fingers. Stimulation of this area can sometimes produce the feeling of needing to urinate for a few moments. Many women find this unpleasant and therefore do not continue stimulation. Some women... not all.... with further stimulation will ejaculate a clear fluid (Not urine) through the urethra. There are many women who do not find this to be a pleasurable form of arousal.

There are many books related to this subject that can be found in your local bookstore. I also offer a selection of G-spot vibrators in the catalogue to enable you and your wife to experiment.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Q & A: Spice up your sex life

Q. We have been happily married for 12 years. Our sex life was wonderful. When I look back I dont know if it was because we were young and hormones were wild or we had so little experience that everything was fun and new.

Anyway, time has passed and we are feeling that our sex life is routine and lacking fire! Neither of us had a lot of experience before we were married so we really don't know of any ideas to spice things up. Can you help us?

Sign us.....
Returning to Excitement

Returning to Excitement:

This is one of the most common complaints I receive. Long term monogamous couples say that their lovemaking is very predictable and lacks variety and excitement. Most of these people believe the only way to regain the passion they remember is to have an affair. This is simply not true!

Passion can be maintained in a long term relationship providing you are willing to keep expanding the intimate and erotic boundaries of your relationship. The easiest way to begin to change is to vary the time you spend making love. Most couples can predict almost to the minute the amount of time they will spend making love. This is partly to do with comfortability. We fall into patterns that have worked for us in the past and for many reasons, we stay there. Start with four distinct styles of lovemaking to relieve the monotony.

1. The quickie has an important role in the sexual arena. It will satisfy the needs of the more highly sexed partner, relieve physical tension, and add more spontaneity, especially if the quickie takes place in an unusual place. (ie. kitchen, backyard, automobile) It also affords intimacy within the space of a few minutes when time is short or there is risk of being caught.

2. Moderate lovemaking takes between 15-30 minutes. This is the most common way you make love. It easily fits into busy schedules and needs little discussion since both people are used to its familiarity. It's what most couples do most often, but if that is all they do their sex lives will seem unfulfilled.

3. Leisurely lovemaking lasts for 45 minutes to an hour and may need to be scheduled to fit into busy lives. This type of lovemaking could include showering together, setting a romantic scene with candles and lingerie, massage or a long session of teasing. Couples tend to do these things in early stages of relationships but allow them to become less frequent as time goes by. The wonderful thing about leisurely lovemaking is that although you may only find time to partake once a month, the feeling of intimacy will linger.

4. Adventuresome sex presents couples with their greatest challenge. It removes them from everyday habits and adds a sense of risk and playfullness. Adventuresome sex can include sex games, sex toys, erotica, shared fantasies, or food and/or ice. It can be hilarious or erotic, but will bond the couple together like nothing else.

In the meantime, remember to talk about new and exciting sexual turn-ons in an intimate but not sexual arena. Your partner will find it much less threatening. If your partner is resistant to an idea that excites you, find out why and be sure to explain why it is important to you. If you begin to talk about sexuality in new ways, new doors will suddenly open.

Sex games are as varied as the people who play them. There are many sex games that can be bought in stores. They can be as simplistic as the "Dirty Dice" I carry in my store. One die with 6 body parts on it.. the other 6 verbs such as lick, suck, kiss or hug. I'm sure you get the idea.... but they are fun to use occasionally and will definitely lighten the mood. So often couples are way too serious in the bedroom. There are board games that enable couples to explore fantasies or emotions and some that will guide you through foreplay, but it seems the best sex games are ones that are created together.

Fantasies that are shared and then acted out can lead to some of the hottest sex a couple has experienced. It is important to remember that for this to work both partners must be in total agreement. If a partner's fantasy is a total turn-off to the other, they will not be very cooperative nor will they be a good "actor/actress". Some examples of common scenarios are:

  • Teacher and innocent student
  • Doctor and patient
  • Don Juan and the virgin
  • Demanding master and maiden
  • Teacher and seductive student
  • Deliveryman and lady of the house

Many couples enjoy light bondage games using handcuffs or ties to bind their partner. As mentioned in previous letters, this submission is often the key to opening new doors. Inhibitions seem to disappear as one relinquishes control. You might also try a different twist on that same theme. Instead of physically binding your partner ask him or her to agree to do as you ask. Then request that he/she not move any part of their body adding a warning that you will stop what you are doing if you detect the slightest movement.

Start with a slow massage with light touches and tease your partner in all his/her favorite places. The longer you can tease the harder it will be for your partner to stay motionless. Progress to oral sex or intercourse very slowly but remain firm in not allowing your partner to move. Usually this is as much or more of a turn on to the controller and they often weaken before the submissive partner.

If you find exhibitionism exciting you can take your role playing adventure out of your Welcome.html and into public places. The sexy lady/businessman is a good scenario to get you started. The lady should dress in her most provocative clothing which may require a shopping trip beforehand if this type of clothing is totally out of character for her. The man in a conservative business suit. Go to a nice restaraunt or start with a walk through a mall... anywhere you can put on a show for all to see. The decisions on how far and how explicit your "show" will be is totally in your control. Discuss this before you set out, but be prepared to change boundaries as the excitement of the moment may take you to new levels of pleasure.

Using food in sex play can be very erotic. Feeding each other, using fingers or lips, retrieving food from the body of your lover such as whipped cream or honey can be stimulating to both partners. If you think that food is not erotic try renting the movie "9 1/2 Weeks." I think you will change your mind!

Try using eucalyptus drops in your mouth while you engage in oral sex.... for an icy/hot experience. Or real ice alternated with the warmth of your mouth can bring about some wonderful sensations.

Read books, magazines, or rent/purchase adult videos to get new ideas for sex play. Remember to keep expanding horizons, use your fantasies to take you in new directions, but most important be sure you both agree on a new activity before you begin. Something that works in your mind, may not work in reality.... but sometimes the fun is in the trying. Enjoy!

Q & A: Anal sex while pregnant

Q. Me and my partner have always enjoyed anal sex. We have been together for a while and are expecting our first baby in three months. I know people are supposed to have "cravings" when they are pregnant, but my craving is that I want to be fucked in the ass even more than I did before! It feels great, and I experience no discomfort, but we want to make sure that we aren't doing any harm to the baby (and I don't exactly feel I can discuss it with my doctor!) I find the most comfortable position is on my knees with my butt sticking up so I can support my belly properly, and this way I can get the most cock in my ass. Will it be alright to continue up to the time you would normally stop having vaginal sex?

Best regards,

Preggo Anal-Addict

Dear Preggo Anal-Addict:

Many women say that their libido, sexual tastes, and orgasms can change drastically during pregnancy, so know that your new craving is perfectly natural. According to most physicians, throughout your pregnancy, penetration (both vaginal and anal) with fingers is safe and with a cock is safe in low-risk pregnancies. One of the challenges of sex during pregnancy is finding comfortable positions, and it sounds like you've found a good one, at least for now---it may change when you get bigger. Your mate should definitely avoid deep thrusting and really hard slamming of any kind. Use a water-based lubricant, but be extra careful in preventing bacteria from the ass transferring to the vagina. Make sure his fingers and cock are super clean, or you may get an infection, which is often harder to treat during pregnancy. If you feel any discomfort during any sexual activity, stop at once. You said you don't feel comfortable talking to your doctor about this, but for the sake of your health, and the health of your baby, it's probably a good idea.

Q & A: How can I make her come from anal sex?

Q. My girlfriend and I have been having anal sex for about four or five months. In fact, the first time I penetrated her was anally. After that, it's been a once-in-a-while ritual where I get to have the pleasure of making love to her sexy ass. I enjoy it very much and she doesn't mind letting me have my way, even though she says she receives little to no pleasure from it. We use plenty of lube and always warm up with shallow and slow penetration, deep breathing and lots of communication. We now do it now once every three weeks to a month, which is kind of my problem. I'd like to do it more often, but not too much. I have two questions for you: How much anal sex do you think is healthy for a couple that wants to have a nice balance between the three major forms of sex (oral, vaginal and anal)? What kind of ways can I pleasure her when I do her in the ass? How can I make her come from anal sex?

Thanks in advance,
Booty Lover

Dear Booty Lover:

There is no mathematical equation to determine "a nice balance,"nor is there any common recommendation about how much of one kind of sex a healthy couple should have. Sexuality and our particular practices are extremely unique to the individuals involved, and therefore so are our preferences and how often or little we indulge in them. I say if both you and your wife are content with how much sex you're having, and the kinds of sex you're having, then why mess with a good thing? But it does sound like you'd like to add more anal sex to the menu, and your second question is the key to getting there. Because if you start to give her tremendous pleasure while you're fucking her in the ass, then chances are she'll want to do it more often. There are a number of ways to get a woman off while you're fucking her ass. You can play with her clit while you penetrate her, or if the position you're in makes that too difficult, encourage her to jerk herself off or even use a small vibrator. Clitoral stimulation combined with anal penetration is one of the ways some women can orgasm. If she likes double penetration, try putting a few fingers in her pussy or a slim dildo while you're in her ass; this often increases the sensations in both places. Experiment with different positions in order to find her G-spot. Many women experience indirect G-spot stimulation through anal sex. You want to angle fingers, toys, or your cock toward the front of her body to find and stimulate the spot. Also, ask her what she'd like to do to make it feel not just better, but fantastic. Together, you can discover what will turn you both on.

Q & A: I know it's not supposed to hurt, but it does

My husband and I want to try out anal sex really bad, but my problem is the pain---I know it's not supposed to hurt, but it does. I keep telling him that missionary position is not the best for our first try. Is there another position you recommend? I really want to give this to him, but I am still very nervous. I have tried to relax, but nothing seems to work. I'm thinking I need a lube that desensitizes the area. I know if I can find the right kind to numbing agent, then I will do just fine. Do you know of any?

Anal Chicken

Dear Anal Chicken:

You admitted being nervous about getting fucked in the ass, which is very common, but my question is: do you really want to do it? I sense a lot of reservation in your letter, and I am concerned that your fear and anxiety aren't the only things holding you back. Your desire for this must absolutely be there (not just your husband's), otherwise it's not going to work, and it will continue to hurt. You are right that it is not supposed to hurt, and pain can be the result of many things: hesitation on your part; not being relaxed; not enough foreplay and warm up; not enough lube. You need to take it slow, and have him open your ass with fingers or small toys before he even attempts to put his cock in there. As for positions, if missionary isn't working for you, trust your instincts. Maybe you should get on top, so you can control the depth of penetration, the speed, and you can move your body to get the best angle. Or you could try doggie style, but make sure he doesn't thrust all the way inside on the first time around. I cannot recommend any of the de-sensitizing lubricants that are available. Numbing your ass just isn't a good idea. If you can't feel anything, you cannot listen to your body's warning signs that things are going to fast, and you'll most likely end up with a sore butt the next day. Plus, if it's numb, you can't feel all the pleasurable sensations that anal sex can give you, and trust me, you want to feel those.

Q & A: There is a risk of toxic shock syndrome when tampons are used vaginally, and I am wondering if it can happen in the ass as well.

Q. I'm a professional dominatrix, and have several clients into forced feminization and anal play. Some of them have requested that I insert tampons into their (anal) "pussies." Can this be done safely? I know that there is a risk of toxic shock syndrome when tampons are used vaginally, and I am wondering if it can happen in the ass as well.

Mistress Mean

Dear Mistress Mean:

Toxic Shock Syndrome is a blood-borne bacterial infection caused by the bacteria Staphylococcus. We most commonly hear about it in relation to using tampons, and symptoms can include fever, chills, vomiting, sore throat, headache and more serious conditions. It is treated with intravenous antibiotics to prevent shock and kidney failure. TSS colonizes skin and mucous membranes, and the rectum is a mucous membrane; however, I had a difficult time locating any documented cases of TSS through the use of tampons anally. Since tampons are used to absorb moisture, it could be uncomfortable and dehydrating at the very least. I have an easy solution for you. In fact, it's for anyone who has a client lover who wants something in his or her ass which you know is either unsafe or potentially dangerous (other examples include glass bottles, candles, baseball bats, just to name a few). Find a sex toy with a similar size and feel to the desired (but unadvisable) object. Blindfold your bottom before inserting the toy in his or her ass, and make sure to talk about whatever the fantasized thing is in great detail. If you're a good Top, you can convince a submissive of almost anything.

Q & A: How far can I go in her ass with a dildo and be safe?

Q. My girlfriend has just turned 18 years old and loves anal sex, bondage, and water sports. How far can I go in her ass with a dildo and be safe? Once you pass the sphincter muscle, it seems like there is a lot of room. What dangers are there if I piss in her ass while fucking her? I have already pissed in her pussy while fucking her with no problems. How long does it take for chain marks to come off her ass?

Kinky in NJ

Dear Kinky in NJ:

Well, it sounds like you are one busy guy. You're right that once you get inside the rectum, there is a lot of room; in fact, the rectum is longer than the vagina. You've got about 9 1/2 - 11 inches before you reach the colon, and ost dildos aren't any longer than that. Keep in mind that you should always use a dildo with a flared base to be safe; one without a base could potentially get lost in your girlfriend's ass—please, no trips to the emergency room which could have been prevented! As for pissing in her ass, there are a few issues to consider. You need a dependable erection in order to penetrate her ass, and once you're super hard, you may not be able to pee; some men can't stay that hard and let it flow. If your dick can stand up and piss, then you've got to consider the safe sex issues. As far as bodily fluids go, urine is nearly, but not completely, sterile. Peeing in your sweetheart's butt is mostly safe for you unless you have any cuts or open sores on your cock. She may want to know that she can get chlamydia, gonorrhea Hepatitis B, cytomegalovirus (CMV), or genital herpes, if these viruses are present in your piss. Unfortunately, there is no research on the transmission of HIV through urine; however, we know that HIV can be present in urine or in urine that contains an amount of blood. If the two of you have been tested for all these diseases and are monogamous, then you should be all right. Remember that whatever you put in a rectum will be instantaneously absorbed into the bloodstream, so she may end up with an upset stomach. You might also consider peeing outside of her ass, which is even safer and still plenty of fun! Oh, and those chain marks on her ass? Well, it depends on how hard you hit her, how heavy the chain is, how easily her skin bruises, and how quickly her skin heals from marks. I assume you mean metal chains, and if you are hitting her ass with them, be very careful not to hit the base of the spine or her sit bones. You want to concentrate on the fleshy areas only.

Q & A: Can switching from anal to vaginal penetration lead to vaginal infections?

Q. After seven years together, my husband and I are just starting out with anal sex and wow is it ever exciting. What a great way to rev up our sex life! I have a question about vaginal infections. Can switching from anal to vaginal penetration during lovemaking lead to vaginal infections? Or are the natural defenses of the vagina generally enough to fight them off? Are there precautionary steps we should start using to reduce or prevent possible infections?

Curious Canadian

Dear Curious Canadian:

Yes, switching directly from the ass to the vagina is an almost surefire way to get a vaginal infection. Bacteria that lives naturally in the rectum (possibly along with some fecal matter) will be transferred to your pussy which will cause the infection. Since the pussy doesn't naturally flush itself out, bacteria can set up shop, multiply, and live there until you treat it. Some women get yeast infections, others get bacterial infections like gardinerella. So, in order to prevent this form of "cross contamination," you want to take a few precautions. You can use a condom on cocks and sex toys, and put on a new condom when you move from ass to pussy. Or your husband can wash his penis or the sex toy with warm water and an antibacterial soap before switching orifices. In addition, you should be aware that lube that goes into your ass and drips out of it can make its way to your pussy, which could also cause an infection. I do things to prevent what I call "the drip down effect." I always have a box of baby wipes handy to make a clean swipe of the area (always swipe front to back). Baby wipes are made for the genital area and much less harsh than other wipes, like Wet Ones. I like the baby wipes that are unscented and alcohol- ree; the "baby"smell isn't erotic for me, and the alcohol-free wipes tend to be gentler on my delicate parts. After sex, I like to pee and wash my pussy with a gentle soap (I like Castille soap) to rinse out any remaining bacteria and prevent a urinary tract infection.

Q & A: Post-anal sex headaches

Q. The past few times my wife and I have had anal sex, with her doing the receiving anyway, the act itself went smoothly and pleasurably. However, not a minute after she went to sit on the toilet to clean herself up, she would be struck by a brutal headache. My wife does suffer from the occasional non-sex-related migraine, and her post-anal sex headaches are worse by far. I am convinced that the headaches and the anal sex are somehow related. The easiest fix is to just not have anal sex. My interest in doing it is far outweighed by my not wanting her to suffer. I was wondering what an expert thought, but I've been to shy to ask a doctor about it.

Pain in the Ass?

Dear Pain in the Ass:

I, too, suffer from migraines, so I empathize with your wife, because if she's having a headache worse than a migraine, it must be extremely painful and debilitating. At first glance, the problem seems completely unrelated to anal sex; however, it's too much of a coincidence since it's happened several times. Stress and tension can often cause a severe headache, so I have a few theories. First, while you're fucking her ass, your wife may be in a position that's putting undue strain on her neck. I know that sometimes I end up in weird positions—especially when I have my ass in the air and my head down—while buttfucking. Afterwards, I often feel pain in my neck, and that pain could lead to a headache. See how her body is positioned the next time you do it, and make sure her head and neck have plenty of support. My second theory has to do with her breathing patterns during sex. Many people (me included!) often take very shallow breaths when we get aroused on our way to orgasm. It's a natural instinct, and one that often gives us a brief "high."Masturbation guru Dr. Betty Dodson scolded me once that if I am not taking deep breaths, then the blood cannot properly circulate throughout my body during sex. Shallow breaths may cause a quick high, but deep breaths ensure that the blood is flowing and the high people often feel during sex will last throughout the act. If your wife is taking quick breaths, or even holding her breath at some points, she could be depriving her brain of oxygen. This repeated deprivation could cause an intense headache, especially if she's susceptible to headaches in the first place. Finally, an answer lies in your question. You may feel shy, but it's a good idea for *her* to talk to her doctor about the problem. There may be something else going on, and her body is trying to tell her something.


A fellow reader who's a physical therapist emailed this to me on the subject of migraines and anal sex, and he gave me permission to reprint it. Thanks, Matthew!

If you look at any anatomy text that shows images of the pelvic floor musculature from above or below, there are intimate relationships between the these muscles and the sacroccygeal complex. The coccyx forms the cornerstone of the pelvic floor with muscles and ligaments attaching to the coccyx and extending forward to the pubic bones and other areas of the pelvis. These muscles form the vaginal opening, urethral sphincter, and anal sphincter with the latter having the largest influence on the coccyx and are themselves dependent on the mechanics of the coccyx and sacrum for normal tone.

The covering of the spinal cord [dura] has attachments at the second segment of the sacrum and the very last fiber of the spinal cord blends into this dura which is then continuous with the periosteum of the coccyx. The dural tube should [in the absence of pathology] hang loose in the spinal canal up to the upper 2-3 segments of the neck. It then continues inside the cranium to become the covering of the brain. This system, called the craniosacral system, has been referred to as a closed hydraulic network responsible for the distribution of cerebrospinal fluid. A small change in pressure in one area will affect the rest of the system.

Disturbances can very often result in headaches for both pressure related reasons and mechanical pull via the dural tube on the neck and cranial bones. There are numerous cases of instant headache relief with manipulation of the coccyx [providing, of course, this is the cause of the particular headache].

You also need to look at the extensive vascular and neural network supplying the pelvic floor and surrounding the rectum itself. While entrance is possible and potentially pleasurable, the anus was designed as exit only. Repetitive or even sustained in and out will disturb the normal pressures which in turn creates neurologic feedback. Some people will get headaches when their stomach is too full immediately after a meal. Brain freeze from a slushy is in a similar category--neurovascular over stimulation.

There are other reflexive effects as well. The muscles of the pelvic floor work together as a diaphragm, functioning in conjunction with the respiratory diaphragm. The other primary diaphragms include the thoracic inlet [the connective tissue spreading over the upper ribs and clavicles] and the cranial diaphragm [floor of the cranium]. These all work together as one system to move fluid and air and adjust pressures in the different body
cavities. As a result, change in one will change the others.

Then there is the toxicity that can get stored in any body tissues but especially of the digestive tract. Repeated stimulation of an area can release toxins into the system with reactions elsewhere--headaches included.

There are other less significant and in some instances less understood associations between the pelvis and cranium that could produce headaches.

So what can be done about all this?

-There are all the factors you mentioned in your response to the initial question and the suggestions you made. Very good stuff.

-Next, general health is important, of course.

-Exercises which involve breath control such as yoga and tai chi/qi gong will benefit spinal posture, flexibility, and diaphragm health.

-Proper nutrition, especially avoiding any foods that you are sensitive to is important. Depending on the person these could be the more publicized alcohol and caffeine or the more subtle but equally insidious gluten, processed sugar, or dairy allergies. If a person is exposed to an active allergen the result is inflammation throughout the body as an immune response is mobilized. This response is most profound at the source, the digestive tract. Very often we have chronic inflammation in our guts yielding adhesion and scarring as well as spasm at the sphincters [rectal included] and storage of the allergen in the tissues to prevent it from getting to the rest of the body.

The treatment is prolonged TOTAL avoidance of the suspect allergen to minimize the bodyŒs response.

-Manual therapy to correct the mechanics of the craniosacral system, pelvic joints, and abdominal organs [yes. organs have mechanical relationships as well].

To find people who do these types of treatments look up: Integrative Manual Therapy Craniosacral Therapy and Visceral Manipulation Applied Kinesiology

All of these have effective treatments for the things I described above and for headaches in general. My personal nbias is towards Integrative Manual Therapy, my field of study. In craniosacral practitioners you will find a very big variance in how people practice and level of skill. The Applied Kinesiologists probably do the most nutritional/supplement work, but again you will find huge variability in exactly how individuals practice. Traditional Chinese Medicine should never be scoffed at for improving health either.

If interested, I even know a couple of people in New York who are very skilled. I don't know if any of them are near you, but they probably know other people who would be.

Q & A: I get stuck just after my head goes in, and she can't continue

Q. My girlfriend had recently asked me to have anal sex with her since we had never done it before. I complied, and after two tries (on separate occasions), we succeeded. We enjoyed it so much that we attempted it twice more with success. But we can't do it anymore. We've tried, but we haven't been able to do it for months. I am supportive as I can be. I give her control, soothe and relax her, question, encourage. But lately she says I have been hurting her. She says I get stuck just after my head goes in, and she can't continue. The first time we went at it slowly, but near our climaxes, we started to really go at it, and she took all of it in. I have suggested some form of foreplay, but she refuses. She says it is all penis or nothing at all. Please help!

Frustrated in Florida

Dear Frustrated in Florida:

You are absolutely doing the right thing by giving your girlfriend control and warming her up. Her insistence that it's all or nothing just isn't realistic, and you need to somehow make her see that. Remind her that the ass is not like the pussy: it requires a lot more delicate handling and more foreplay before she can relax it enough to make penetration comfortable and pleasurable. Licking her ass, penetrating with your fingers, or playing with a small butt plug, dildo, or vibrating toy are all good ways to get her ass ready for your cock; of course, remember to use plenty of lube! As for her theory that you are "getting stuck"after the head of your cock goes in, again, with a gradual progression to penetration, her ass will feel more relaxed and open. Because it is the head of your cock she complains about, it sounds like her sphincter muscles aren't relaxed enough to accommodate your dick. With more warm up, she'll be more aroused and it should feel much better.

Q & A: Is it safe to squirt milk using an ejaculating dildo?

Q. I am interested to know: is it safe to squirt milk up your ass using an ejaculating dildo and then shoot it out your ass again? Is it safe to stick candles up your ass? If so, how many?

Martha Stewart Up My Ass

Dear Martha Stewart Up My Ass:

It sounds like you¹ve been spending a little too much time at the crafts center. Lots of people enjoy using ejaculating dildos in their asses, and I know that some of these squirting dongs have a "recipe" for homemade ejaculate right on the box (which usually consists of condensed milk). Keep in mind that whatever you shoot up your ass can be directly absorbed by your bloodstream, and can potentially make you sick, which is why I never recommend exotic enemas that contain anything beyond plain warm water. So, I say, use plain warm water to be safe; it doesn't offer the same kind of spooging visual, but it does feel the same. As for your question about candles up the ass, it reminds me of a series of pictures by fetish photographer Richard Kern of women with lit candles in their bums. While the shots were clever, they were ultimately done for art's sake, and not really something I can give the thumbs up to for the average person. Candles do not have a flared base, and there is a danger of having one get lost in your ass, unless it's extremely long. But more importantly, they are hard and waxy, and who wants that in your ass when you can have a flexible, smooth butt plug or dildo that will feel much better and won't have you shitting out wax shavings afterward?

Q & A: I am worried about getting ill from tonguing her anus.

Q. I am a 35 year old straight man, and I have a new girlfriend who is very anal. She likes to be fingered in the ass and sometimes fucked in the ass, and I am more than happy to oblige. However, she is also kind of into shit. I am not turned off by it, but I am concerned about the health aspects. I am not talking about shit eating or shit smearing, but she does get turned on by the feelings she has while defecating, and also by telling me about it. She will get on her knees with her ass in the air, so that I can lick and sniff her asshole from behind. I enjoy it, but she likes to do it especially after she just finished taking a crap. I am turned on by it, and I know she cleans up very carefully. I want to do this, but I can¹t totally relax and enjoy myself because I am worried about getting ill from tonguing her. We've done it a few times and nothing happened. I also want to make her happy because she loves doing it. Is this okay?

I Have a Scat-Loving Girlfriend

Dear I Have a Scat-Loving Girlfriend:

It sounds like your girlfriend is one kinky chick, but you also sound like you're a guy ready to go along for the ride. Her obsession with shitting, telling you about it, and having you orally service her afterwards is a moderate form of a scat fetish; most scat players like to play with shit and eat it as well. There are two ways to play this as I see it. Scenario #1: She can take a dump, then wash her behind (or give it a swipe with a baby wipe), making the area more clean and less likely to have a great amount of bacteria on the surface. Then, when you lick it, especially just externally, the risks are relatively low of you contracting anything from her. The fantasy of you tonguing her dirty little bum remains intact, although you've taken the necessary steps to make the experience safer. Scenario #2: It may be that part of the turn-on for her is actually moving directly from the toilet bowl to your face. In that case, when you shove your lips around her butthole, things could be a little more risky. Anytime you come into contact with another person's fecal matter, there is a risk of transmission of STDs, HIV, and Hepatitis, as well as any gastrointestinal bugs that your lover may have. It¹s up to the two of you how potty- entered you want the fantasy to be. It sounds like you¹ll be more apt to relax if she cleans up carefully, and just *tells* you that her ass is smelly and messy. Sometimes the power of suggestion is just as hot as the real thing.

Q & A: Is it long enough to reach and massage the prostate with a male partner?

Q. In one of you posts, regarding dildos and vibrators you gave the following advice: "Just make sure that the vibrator is long nough like over 7" for penetration, and, ideally, has a flared base." While I can say from personal experience that a longer instrument is more satisfactory than a shorter one, real life does not treat you so kindly. My penis is 5 3/4 inches long, and the same in circumference, making it about 1.8 inches thick (when erect) . In other words, short and thick. In fact 52 percent of men have an erect penis with a length of less than six inches. Only 4 1/2 percent of men have a penis length of 7 inches or more (My source is the Kinsey Report circa 1950). Therefore, I wonder if you could answer the following questions:1) Is a 5 to 6 inch penis too short to give adequate stimulation to your anal partner? Is it long enough to reach and massage the prostate with a male partner? Can it reach and massage the G spot with a female partner? 2) If, in fact, it is generally not long enough, are there any positions that are particularly recommended as shortening or compressing the anal channel to bring the sensitive surfaces within reach? Are they different for a male partner than a female partner?

Short and Thick in Iowa

Dear Short and Thick in Iowa:
Well, you¹ve obviously done your own research on the subject of anal pleasure, and you¹ve given these matters a great deal of thought. While some people, both women and men, prefer a longer object in their asses, others are quite content with a member of your size. It¹s really all a matter of individual taste, which is why one person might select a long, slender vibrating anal probe to bring herself to orgasm, but another person might choose something short and fat, like a robust butt plug, to push him over the edge. It just depends what you like. Know that a 5 or 6 inch penis absolutely can stimulate a person's ass just fine. Equally important, you can easily reach the prostate gland in men and the G spot in women, since both "spots"are located just a few inches inside the rectum. In fact, I encourage most men who are using their cocks to stimulate the G-spot not to penetrate fully, since you'll slide right by the G spot (the same is true for the prostate). As for positions, putting the receptive partner in doggie-style position (or what I call modified doggie style, where the head is down and the ass is in the air) can afford you a perfect angle to hit the G spot or the prostate and give you the opportunity for deeper penetration. You cannot actually "compress the anal channel,"but you can get in there deeper at that angle. As for the differences in male and female anal anatomy, our anatomy is nearly identical except that men have a prostate gland (which can be stimulated through the rectum) and women have a G-spot (which can be directly stimulated through vaginal penetration and indirectly stimulated through anal penetration). Please don't feel like your cock is inadequate, Short and Thick; as long as you know how to use it, you can bring your partner plenty of pleasure.

Q & A: She wanted to know if I would suck her pussy while she peed

Q. A few years ago, I met this young woman in her late twenties who was totally uninhibited about sex. Before she met me, she wanted to do many things but her former husband wasn't as adventurous. Before you knew it, there wasn't anything that we wouldn't try at least once. One evening, we were sitting around drinking beer, and after a while, she wanted to know if I would suck her pussy while she peed. Immediately I was aroused and agreed. She sat back on the recliner, spread her legs, and I covered her pussy with my mouth. After a couple minutes, she started to pee. I thought she would never stop, but I vowed not to spill a drop. When she finished, she then wanted me to urinate in her ass. I had an erection, and after a little lubrication, I was in. She was on her hands and knees with her face down, and after part of my erection subsided, I began to pour inside her. She must have received more than she gave me, but she was moaning with pleasure and wanted me to climax insider her rear. After I peed, the erection came back and we both climaxed. We both thought it was the wildest best sex we ever had. There were not any problems afterwards.

Yours Truly,
Pleased As Piss

Dear Pleased As Piss:

Thank you so much for sharing that erotic treat with me and all your fellow readers. I love it when I hear such successful true-life anal tales! Several words of caution to all of you out there who are thinking of re-creating Pleased As Piss's scenario. Remember that any substance you introduce into the rectum will be immediately absorbed into the bloodstream, and that includes anything contained in the urine, like medications, illegal drugs, or alcohol. Also: urine is a bodily fluid which can transmit STDs, Hepatitis, and HIV (if there is any blood in the urine), so please be tested, make sure your partner has been tested, and play safe, okay?

Q & A: Men's briefs (latex or other material) with an internal butt plug or dildo?

Q. I have been looking for a few weeks for a pair of men's briefs (latex or other material) with an internal butt plug or dildo, but with a hole for the penis and balls to come out and be free to play. I can't find one anywhere! Any ideas?

Desperately Seeking Butt Briefs

Dear Desperately Seeking Butt Briefs:

Well, aren't you an ambitious one! I must say that I have tried to track down such a pair of undies for you, but haven't had any luck. Although I do have a few suggestions about how you might create the briefs of your dreams. Start with a butt plug harness (available at many leather, fetish, and sex toy stores and web sites) to hold your favorite butt plug securely in your ass. Or, of you're into body and genital bondage, you may choose to have someone put a rope harness on you to keep the plug in. Then, add a tight pair of your favorite underwear that has such a flap in front for your woody to come out and play. Voila!

Q & A: Do women get off on anal penetration, and if they do, then how exactly?

Q. I am in a relationship with woman, and we both want to try anal sex. But I have one concern. I know that it's going to feel really good for me, because I am a guy, but what will it feel like for her? Do women get off on anal penetration, and if they do, then how exactly? Can my girlfriend come from it?

What's In It For Her

Dear What's In It For Her:

Rest assured that there is plenty in it for her. First, let's talk about the physical aspects of anal sex. Anorectal anatomy is nearly identical in men and women, and the entire area—the anus, anal canal, and rectum—is extremely rich in nerve endings and sensitive to stimulation of all kinds, including penetration. Because of this level of sensitivity, exploring our asses can bring us incredible sexual pleasure. The one distinction in men and women's anal anatomy is that men have a prostate gland, which can be reached and stimulated through the rectum. Although women don't have a prostate, they do have a G-spot. The G-spot is reached through the front wall of the vagina, but it can also be indirectly stimulated through anal penetration. Since all that separates the rectum and the vagina is a thin membrane, if you angle a finger, toy, or penis toward the front wall of the vagina, women still may experience G-spot stimulation. Many women find that the G-spot stimulation they get from anal sex is one way they can have an orgasm. Another way for her to orgasm is to add clitoral stimulation as you penetrate her. Give her clit some rubbing action or let her jerk herself off with her hand or a vibrator while you do her in the ass, and see what happens. In addition to the bundle of physical pleasure that anal stimulation brings, there are complex emotional and psychological issues that contribute to the erotic experience. For some people, the idea that anal sex is naughty, forbidden and taboo is very exciting, and adds to their enjoyment of it. For others, the great amount of trust one must have in a partner heightens the physical pleasure; allowing your partner to penetrate you in this special place says, "Here is a delicate part of my body, and I trust you not to hurt me but to make me feel very good." That power exchange can be very intense for lovers. Anal sex is often represented in popular culture as violent and degrading; however, in reality, it can be extremely intimate, connecting, and even spiritual.

Q & A: I'm so scared about things getting messy

Q. Anal sex has been an unfulfilled curiosity of mine for many years; as a young twentysomething, I was forever intrigued by it. My boyfriend and I have talked about it, and being experienced, he has suggested we try it. I feel extremely comfortable with him, and, aside from anal sex, we have an incredibly open and experimental sex life. I told him I am curious but also hesitant. The thing is, I'm embarrassed to tell him the real reason why because it's seems petty to me. I'm so scared about things getting messy as I've heard some very unappealing stories about bad smells or fecal matter being present. I know that as humans, our bodies have natural functions, but I would be mortified if that happened while we were having anal sex. As it is, I really want this to be something special as it's taken me a long time to find anyone I could trust, and I don't want to be totally turned off if things go haywire.

Dear Scared of the Mess:

Take a deep breath! Your concern is the most common one I hear about anal sex. The first thing you need is a brief anatomy lesson. During anal penetration with fingers, toys, and penises, the area of your body that we're dealing with is the rectum. The rectum is not a storage facility, so no feces are stored there; it's merely a passageway. Feces move from the colon to the rectum, then out of the body when you defecate. So, if you have a bowel movement before you have anal sex, there should only be trace amounts of fecal matter in the rectum. Now, this is provided that you are a relatively healthy person with a good diet, normal bowel habits, and no gastrointestinal problems. So, if you feel like you have to go, by all means go, because if you don't listen to your body, then you may, in fact, have a mess on your hands simply because you needed to have a bowel movement and you didn't. For those people who are squeamish about "being clean," I recommend an enema. Go to the drug store, buy a Fleet enema, then empty the contents of the bottle and fill it with plain warm water. Fleet enemas contain a laxative which isn't necessary; all you need is warm water. Follow the instructions on the box, and repeat until all that comes out of your ass is clear water. Make sure you have an enema several hours before you plan to have anal sex, since your body needs time to recover. Now, after telling you all about cleaning yourself out, I must quote a fellow anal queen, adult film star Chloe, who says, "Get over your fear of shit!" I am not saying you need to love or even like shit, but you need to let go of your anxieties. The truth is that the more anal play you engage in, the more likely you are to run into it once and awhile, so you might as well just smile, grab a baby wipe, clean up, and move on.

Q & A: About hair removal in the anal area

Q. I have had two sessions of laser treatment on my asshole and can say that laser treatment does work. There are some drawbacks, however. Laser treatment can be expensive (about $150 per session) and it takes several (3 or more) sessions to remove most of the hair. Also, if the hair is light-colored, laser treatment is probably not going to have much effect, and you'll just be wasting your money. As to the question of pain, there really isn't that much. It feels like a pin prick. A little ice on the area right before the treatment goes a long way. I would suggest going into your local laser treatment clinic for a consultation. I found out that hair removal on the asshole is fairly common for these folks, and they don't have any problem doing the procedure.

Smooth Ass

Dear Smooth Ass:

Thanks for writing in response to one of my previous columns, where Brian asked about hair removal for the butthole. I just love it when readers give each other helpful tips and techniques, so thanks for sharing your experience! For those of you considering the different methods for achieving your own smooth ass, remember that there are several types besides laser treatment. Shaving and waxing are also options, and much less expensive, although not permanent. Plus, shaving can be an erotic scene in addition to fulfilling the practical matter of making one's little pucker hole hairless. I personally love to shave my ass, and find it very sexy when I let someone else take a sharp razor to my tender hole—it totally turns me on! Whichever method you choose, be careful, use common sense, and enjoy that smooth opening with abandon!

Q & A: I really want to be able to fist myself!

Q. I really want to be able to fist myself! I need your advice on how I can do it. I can fit four fingers up, but cannot get past the knuckles at the end of the fingers, therefore I cannot place my thumb in my ass, and so I can't fist myself. Please help this poor guy, I am desperate!

Fisting Aficionado

Dear Fisting Aficionado:

Is it my imagination or are my readers getting wilder and more adventurous since I started this column two years ago? That just puts a big ol' grin on my face. Let's talk about anal fisting. You definitely want to have an enema before your anal fisting adventure so you can be completely cleaned out. Make sure you have an enema at least several hours before the actual fisting to give your body a chance to recover. As with any form of extreme penetration, there is no such thing as too much lube when it comes to anal fisting. In fact, one of the tools I recommend is what I fondly call "the lube gun." You can use either a stainless steel syringe or a disposable plastic one. Fill it with water-based lube, insert it, and shoot lube up your ass. This will lubricate the anal runway ahead of your hand, so you don't have to re-lube as often. Because pulling your hand all the way out and re-lubing often breaks your momentum, and can make the rectum sore. Just like you cannot have enough lube, you can also not have enough warm up. Be patient, and let your ass take its time to open up for something bigger. Use butt plugs or dildos which gradually increase in size; put one in and let it stay in to get your ass relaxed and ready for more. Getting past the knuckles is always the trickiest part. You need to be patient, respect the limits of your body, and go as slow as you need to. I must say, I don't know many folks who can fist themselves, but more power to you for getting as far as you have already, and, of course, for wanting even more! It seems to me that fisting yourself is all about body position and flexibility. You are ahead of the game if you've already gotten four fingers inside. You didn't mention the position that you've been in, but I think that being on all fours or even squatting would work best. Now, if you find that you just can't make it happen, remember that there are some cool dildos on the market which are made to look just like a curled fist. You can find them in gay leather shops and catalogs usually. Having an "extra fist" means you can experiment with lots of different positions, and you aren't limited by the size of your own hand. Please write back to me, and let me know if you finally do go all the way.

Q & A: What are the health risks of pissing in someone's ass?

Q. I am having a difficult time with one specific are of interest. What are the health risks of pissing in someone's ass? I have read wonderfully exciting accounts (fictional I'm sure) of this activity and cannot wait to explore it myself. But, I am also aware of the problems that can arise from not being well informed. Please, any help, advice, or referrals you can offer would be greatly appreciated. I promise to share the information with as many people as I can find to ensure that your words of wisdom have maximum benefit amongst the ass master population.

Ass Master Who Likes Golden Showers

Dear Ass Master:

Thanks for sharing a common fantasy I hear about a lot. The first issue you've got to tackle is this: can you actually accomplish the act of peeing in someone's ass? Lots of men find that when they have a rock-solid erection (which makes anal penetration much easier), they can't piss. They need to soften up a bit so they can release their golden nectar. But depending on your cock, letting your hard-on go down a little may prevent you from penetrating your partner's ass. Once you've addressed that dilemma, now I can answer your questions about the potential risks. Contrary to popular belief, urine isn't sterile, but it is very clean as far as bodily fluids go, even cleaner than spit. Peeing on someone or in someone's ass is pretty low risk for the pisser, unless he has any cuts or open wounds on his cock. For the pissee, being peed on or in can be safe, with a few very big exceptions. Hepatitis B, cytomegalovirus (CMV), the genital herpes virus, chlamydia, and gonorrhea may be present in the urine of a person infected with any of these diseases and can be transmitted through the mucous membrane of the rectum or through any microscopic tears in the anal canal or rectum. There is no research (unfortunately) on HIV being transmitted through urine; however, it is possible for the virus to be present in urine, especially if there is blood in the urine. Remember that whatever you put in a rectum will be instantaneously absorbed into the bloodstream, so a diluted version may be your best bet. And even so, you may get an upset stomach. If you aren't sure about your partner's sexual history or STD and HIV status or your partner isn't comfortable with getting your urine in her ass, you may want to consider some alternatives. You could pull out and pee on the outside of her body; there are still risks, but they are relatively low if she has no unbroken skin in the area. Be safe and have fun!

Q & A: What kinds of household objects can I use to simulate a penis?

Q. I like to have objects in my ass while I masturbate, but I don't have a dildo. What kinds of household objects can I use to simulate a penis?

Fill My Ass

Dear Fill My Ass:

There is a reason that household objects are household objects; they each have a purpose, and it's not sexual. I am thrilled that you've discovered anal penetration as part of your masturbation ritual, but I really don't want to encourage you to grab the hairbrush, the shampoo bottle, the cucumber, or anything else lying around. Has it been done? Of course, but I don't condone it usually. I really recommend that you buy a dildo. You need something with a flared base for anal penetration; it's an absolute necessity, so the object doesn't get sucked into your ass or lost somewhere in your rectum. Sex toys were manufactured with sex in mind, they are designed for penetration, and therefore much more ideal for it than a makeshift dong. There are relatively inexpensive dildos on the market, especially the rubber or jelly variety (silicone dicks are much more expensive). But yourself a $15 or $20 dildo, and I promise it is well worth the investment. You'll find lots of great toys at Toys in Babeland.

Q & A: What STDs can I get from anal sex?

Q. What STDs can I get from anal sex? Is it imperative that I wear a condom during anal sex to protect myself from disease? Is it dangerous for a woman to get fucked in her vagina after getting fucked in her ass?

Condom Curious

Dear Condom Curious:

The American Medical Women's Association recommends that you and your partner should be tested for HIV 6 months after you or your partner has had sexual contact with a different partner. During that six-month period, you should practice safer sex. You can contract almost any STD, including herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, and HIV, as well as hepatitis, through unprotected analingus and anal penetration with an infected partner. To reduce your risk, you should use barriers for analingus (rimming) and condoms for anal penetration. Originally designed for use by dentists as the name indicates, dental dams are squares of latex which safer sex practitioners have coopted for use as oral sex barriers. Because they were not developed with sex in mind, dental dams can be too small and too thick to make them ideal. Glyde Dams are a larger, thinner version designed specifically for oral sex which do the job much better than traditional dental dams. They are available at better sex toy stores. To make your own latex dam, you can cut a non-lubricated condom up one side; these tend to be thinner like the Glydes, which allows both partners more feeling and greater sensitivity. You can also transform a latex glove into a dam: cut the wrist and the fingers off, leaving the thumb intact. Open it up, stick your tongue in the thumb slot, and voila—it's like a condom for your tongue! This is my favorite kind of a dam because it affords both giver and receiver the highest sensitivity. For obvious reasons, it's best to use a glove that isn't powdered or to rinse the powder off before you put your mouth near it. Try putting a dab of lube on the inside and outside of the thumb for even more sensitivity. Store-bought plastic wrap (like Saran Wrap) is not just for leftovers—it also makes a good barrier for rimming. Plastic wrap is less expensive and easier to find than latex dams, which makes it more convenient. Another advantage: trying wrapping your sweetie's privates in plastic—think of it as a homemade thong. Then you can go to town without having to hold the dam in place. Safe, hands-free ass licking at last!

Putting a latex glove on your hand for finger fucking protects both you and your partner, especially if you have any cuts, scratches or even torn cuticles. Gloves come in several different sizes, and you should make sure that they are well-fitting. A glove that's too small will cut off your circulation, and one that is too big will feel baggy and uncomfortable inside the receptive partner. You can also wear gloves for other purposes: if your nails are long, sharp or ragged, if you are squeamish about the cleanliness of anal penetration, or if you want to smooth out your fingers before they go inside your lover. If you find that wearing latex gloves irritates your skin, you may be sensitive to the powder that coats the inside, which is common; find an unpowdered glove instead.

As part of safer sex, you should use a condom every time you have either vaginal or anal penetration. In fact, because of the delicacy of anal and rectal tissue, bodily fluids infected with HIV and other viruses are transmitted and absorbed easier and more quickly into the bloodstream through the mucous membrane of the rectum. Thus, unprotected anal intercourse can be more risky for both partners than unprotected vaginal intercourse. You should never, ever put anything in the vagina that has been in the anus without thoroughly washing and disinfecting it first. Transferring rectal bacteria into the vagina can lead to yeast infections, urinary tract infections, and other ailments which will put a halt to your sex life. Just don't go there. If you're likely to want to use the same hand or tool in both the vagina and the anus, or your anus and then your partner's, that's a lot of running to the bathroom to wash up each time you want to switch gears. Using a new glove and/or condom each time you switch orifices or activities means less time cleaning and more time fucking.

Q & A: What should I look for when I buy butt plug?

Q. I, like you, totally love anal sex. I have played with dildos and vibrators, and had lots of fun. I think I want to try a butt plug next. I am wondering if you have any recommendations for good plugs. Do you have a favorite? What should I look for when I buy one?

Butt Plug Beginner

Dear Butt Plug Beginner:

Dear Butt Plug Beginner:

The traditional shape of a butt plug looks like a tear drop with a thicker bottom or a skinny pear shape. There are variations on the shape, including a lopsided diamond shape and a bulbous head with a long neck. Above the wide flared base, the plug's neck has the smallest circumference, designed to allow the sphincter muscles to close around it. Butt plugs may be smooth or textured with ridges, ripples, rings, or bumps. Butt plugs are usually made of latex rubber or silicone; there are also clear acrylic (similar to Lucite), glass, wood, ceramic, and even metal plugs, but they are for more experienced anal players.

Butt plugs come in a whole bunch of sizes, and remember that it is always best to start small and work your way up. If you like the feeling of something just being in your ass, and appreciate the fullness and pressure without necessarily moving in and out, than you would probably love a butt plug. Butt plugs are meant to go in and stay in. Once you slowly slide a well-lubed plug inside the ass, you can then move on to something else—clitoral stimulation, a blow job, vaginal penetration, whatever you'd like—and the butt plug will continue to stimulate without a lot of work on your part. If you have a butt plug in, you may find that when you get really aroused or during orgasm, the plug inadvertently slips (or even shoots!) right out of your ass. While this may be surprising or embarrassing, don't be alarmed, it's pretty common. Remember that during arousal, your genital muscles contract, and those contractions may actually push a plug out of your ass. This doesn't necessarily mean that the plug is too small and you need to run out and upgrade—it's just a signal that you were very turned on!

Butt plugs are also a great way to warm up the ass for bigger things to come. Putting in a plug and leaving it in for a while lets the ass get used to having something inside it. The ass opens up and relaxes around it, and when you take it out, you're ready to move on to something more. Whatever kind of plug you select, it must have one important feature: a flared base. Perhaps you have heard rumors about people "losing" objects in their rectums and rushing to the emergency room. Or maybe you've seen one of several web sites which document X-rays of different items people have put in their rectums. While part of this is pure urban legend, the truth is you can get something lost in your ass if you aren't careful. Once you are aroused, your pelvic muscles contract, and this could cause your ass to "suck" something all the way inside it. The best way to prevent your own trip to the ER is to use a toy with a flared base since the base will prevent it from going beyond the rectum and into the colon.

Q & A: she can't take my turgid member as frequently as I would like.

Q. It's wonderful that you are so pro-anally inclined. I am a connoisseur of fine posteriors (my wife's being on top of the list—sorry, don't feel bad!). As I was trying to coax my wife into the act, somehow, she tightened up and it became a painful ordeal. We've had anal sex before, and she enjoys plugs in her butt when we are having vaginal sex. But she can't take my turgid member as frequently as I would like.

Help My Turgid Member

Dear Help My Turgid Member:

Glad to hear that you worship your wife's ass. Now, you need to take a little extra care so that both of you can enjoy anal sex. First of all, if she's experiencing pain during penetration, there may be several different causes. In general, you need to concentrate on giving her a lot of foreplay before you move on to putting your dick in her ass. Use your fingers, then a dildo smaller than your dick, and let her get used to that first. Go slow, and make sure everything feels good to her before graduating to more fingers or a bigger toy. If she experiences discomfort or pain, there may be too much friction. Add some more lube, and see if it feels better when you slide back in. Or you could stop the movement of your finger or the toy, but stay inside; see if the pain subsides. If she's still hurting, stop penetration altogether and focus on more external stimulationÑa hand job, oral sex, more foreplay.

Let her know that she's the one in control of the situation, and if she needs to, stop the activity altogether. She needs to relax, take some deep breaths, listen to her body, and tell you when she's ready. After she is warmed-up and ready for your cock, lubricate your turgid member and re-lube her ass. Place your cock at her anal opening and hold it with your hand to help you guide it. Now, you have a few options: 1) Have her move her body toward your cock (forward or backward depending on your positions), while you guide it inside; 2) Rub your cock against her opening. This external stimulation should relax the anus. As the sphincter muscles contract, the opening appears to "wink" at you. As it winks open, take the opportunity to slide in. 3) Press your cock against her opening and gently push against it (she may want to either relax or bear down in order to let you inside). 4) Penetrate her ass with your finger, withdraw it, and while her anus is open, gently insert your penis. Have her stimulate her clit as you penetrate her. This will relax and arouse her, making penetration easier. Deep breathing will help her relax and concentrate on opening her ass to you as well as circulating blood to her genitals. (Taking shallow breaths tightens the muscles and inhibits the engorgement process.)

If you're having trouble hitting your intended target (hey, those two holes are close together and it's slippery with all that lube), have her wrap her fingers around the head of your cock and help to guide you inside her ass. When you first get inside her ass, don't go too deep. Again, you want to give her ass an opportunity to get used to your penis. Keep your movements slow, gentle, and subtle at first. When she's ready, you can venture farther inside and start some slow thrusting. She should tell you if she wants you to go deeper or faster or both. Then, it's simply a matter of exploring what feels good for both of you.

Q & A: I am worried about anal sex. I like it, but I know not everyone does.

Q. I dated a woman for three years. We had a wonderful, rich, loving sex life. We had a lot of anal play, and we both enjoyed giving and receiving. I am ready to start dating again, and I am worried about anal sex. I like it, but I know not everyone does. I have been told (and I know it is true in my case) that a lover who really cares about me will want to fulfill my sexual desires, but the idea of "pushing" anal sex on anyone makes me nervous. At the same time, I like it. When I dated this woman, we started slow and gentle (and very caring), and after a year or so, we were using handcuffs, talking nasty—for fun. I want to love a person first, and the sex second, but I am afraid I won't get what I want. I have a feeling you are going to tell me that I am reasonably normal, and that I shouldn't worry about it. If that is the case, fine, but I need to be told by someone knowledgeable in the field.

Thanks a million,
Loving Anal Slut

Dear Loving Anal Slut:

You're right, you are a reasonably normal guy, a reasonably normal guy who happens to really like anal sex. It sounds like your three-year relationship was very fulfilling for you, and that you approached anal sex in the right way, with plenty of love, communication, and patience (and lube, I hope!). I think it's absolutely okay that you want anal sex to be a part of your next intimate relationship. Your desire for buttfucking is obviously part of what makes you tick sexually, and bravo to you for identifying it and owning up to it. But I see your dilemma: what if you find the perfect girl and she's not gung ho about you doing her bunghole? Well, presumably you are looking for a mate who has a similarly liberal and adventurous attitude about sexuality as you do; if you like anal play, bondage, and dirty talk, you obviously need a partner who's inclined toward experimentation beyond the missionary position. As you date and hunt around for a new relationship, be confident in who you are and what you like, and be honest with your partners. I find that since I've gotten seriously into anal sex, I have not landed in bed with anyone who isn't into some backdoor lovin'. I'm obviously putting some kind of vibe out there that people are picking up on, and I find that I tend to be attracted to people with whom I am very sexually compatible. Rather than feeling worried, obsessed, or even a little guilty about your anal desires, why not embrace them fully? Once you do, you have a greater chance of attracting women who will not only fulfill your desires, but may even exceed your wildest expectations!

Q & A: A couple of times, I have come before him

Q. My boyfriend and I have been exploring anal sex together, and it's been really great. We have come together, and it is totally awesome. A couple of times, I have come before him, and my insides feel as though he is doing damage. If I come before my boyfriend does during anal, why is it that it hurts for him to continue thrusting to his climax? It is really a mood breaker for us both, especially if he hasn't come yet. It's like I want his cock out of me right that very minute. What can I do (besides not coming) to maintain the comfort and pleasure waiting for him to shoot his load?

All the best,
Early Cummer

Dear Early Cummer:

I get so many letters about people being shy or scared about anal sex or having trouble making it work. Every woman should be so lucky to have your problem! One explanation for this feeling is that your ass, like your pussy, has contractions during orgasm. After you climax, all the blood that rushed to your genital area disperses, and your ass returns to its non-aroused state (which doesn't want a cock inside it). Well, I've had first-hand experience with your particular dilemma; I too sometimes come first and find it difficult to go on. So, what can you do about it? Well, you already identified one option, which is to delay your orgasm until after his climax. That way, you extend your pleasure for even longer, and don't have any discomfort.

But, you indicated that you want another strategy. Well, one thing to consider is, after you come, have him slow down his movement or even stop thrusting, but still stay in your ass. Take a few minutes to recover from your mind-blowing orgasm, then concentrate on relaxing your ass and taking lots of deep breaths. Keep your mind on the pleasure and not on the fear that he might be "doing damage," which will definitely help you relax. To extend your arousal, play with your pussy and clit, and have him slowly resume his in-and-out. Continue to breath deeply, work your clit, and relax your ass. As he pumps your ass, talk to him and let him know how it feels. Hopefully, you can have a second orgasm in the process!

Q & A: I can't get my dick in my wife's ass

Q. For a long time, I have been trying to give it to my wife up the ass. But when I start to put it in her ass, I am only able to get the head part of the way in, then it won't go much further. We found an ad in a swinger's magazine for a guy who said he was a pro at ass fucking. He promised if it hurt her, he would stop. He was a black man with a very large cock, and I was sure that he couldn't get it in. He started by playing around with her, then they had vaginal intercourse. He slowly worked a finger up her butt. He told her to get on her hands and knees doggie-style, then he worked another finger inside her ass. He pulled his fingers out, then placed the head of his cock against the opening of her butt. I was amazed at how easily he got his dick in her ass. But since then, I have tried, and she just flinches and tightens up. I want to get my dick in my wife's ass, can you please help?

Dying to Get It In

Dear Dying To Get It In:

Well, the good news is that your wife seems to be physically capable of taking and enjoying a cock up her ass, according to your story about her romp with the swinger. The bad news is that cock wasn't yours. Well, I think you can learn a few things from your swinger friend. First, let me applaud him for saying that if it hurt her, he would stop, and I encourage you to give her the same reassurance. It will help her relax and put her mind at ease. He engaged in lots of foreplay before the anal deed, including vaginal penetration and using his fingers to warm up her ass. Both activities probably got your wife aroused, relaxed, and ready for more. Follow his lead, and make sure you use plenty of lube (in both of her holes) when you do. Ask her when she's ready for your cock, and let her be the one in control of the action from there. Ask her what position she wants to be in, or maybe suggest doggie-style, since that worked for her before. Rub the head of your cock at her opening, tease her with it, and let her prepare herself for the penetration. Have her reach back and guide your cock with her hand. This way, she can control the pace and depth of your entry. She can also come back on your dick from that position. You may need to help her out by pressing firmly, but don't rush it and definitely don't just shove your cock in her. With patience, I have hope you are on your way to assfucking delight!

Q & A: I am a bit nervous that when we are actually doing anal sex, I will have an accident.

Q. I am dating this awesome guy who is completely open to everything my dirty little mind has thought up but never had anyone to try it on before. Well, I am pretty keen on giving him my ass, but when it comes to receiving, I am a bit nervous. I am freaked out that when we are actually doing it, I will have an accident. The last thing I want in the middle of getting it on is for it all to come out in the end. Please explain to me the easiest, cleanest, and worry-free way I can go about this, so I can truly enjoy myself.

Dirty Little Mind Wants A Clean Butt

Dear Dirty little Mind Wants A Clean Butt:

Have no fear! If you are a generally healthy woman with a good diet, normal bowel movements, and no gastrointestinal problems, you can have relatively clean anal sex. Taking a hot, soapy shower and having a bowel movement before anal penetration will insure that there may only be trace amounts of fecal matter in your anal canal and rectum. If you want to take the extra step and have an enema, go right ahead. But know that you don't have to have an enema to have a mess-free buttbanging. If you do want to have an enema, there are several different kinds. You can buy a Fleet Enema or a plastic bulb syringe at the drug store. If you use a Fleet, first you should empty the plastic bottle—it contains a liquid laxative which you don't need to use—and refill it with plain warm water. Always follow the instructions on the box. Or you may want to use an enema bag (a water bottle with a tube attached to it) which rinses farther up into the rectum. Fill the bag with plain warm water only. In addition to your enema bag and tubing, you need a hook of some kind and a place to hang the bag that will be within easy reach of your butt and about eighteen inches (check this) above your ass. Find a position that's comfortable; you may want to try squatting, lying on your side with one leg pulled up to your chest, or kneeling with your ass up, head down. Use some water-based lubricant on the tip of the nozzle; this goes for the bulb syringe as well, and the Fleet enemas tip is pre-lubricated. Gently insert the tube into your ass.

With a Fleet or bulb syringe, simply squeeze the bottle or bulb and the water will flow into your rectum. With an enema bag, you need to release the gauge on the bag until water begins to flow at the desired pressure (very low pressure is best). Let yourself fill up until you feel like you've had enough. When you feel full, close the gauge, take the tube out. Wait a little while (the time varies depending on the person) until you feel like you need to have a bowel movement, then go to the toilet. Repeat the enema several times until only clear water comes out.

If you are going to use an enema, you should have one at least three hours before you have anal sex. An enema loosens everything in your bowels. Oftentimes, after you feel like you are completely cleaned out, you'll have an urge a little while later only to discover there was more in there. This is the second wave, and you don't want it to happen while you're in the throes of anal pleasure! Giving yourself an enema in the morning before a hot date that night is fine. If it's not disposable (like a Fleet) then clean your enema equipment well, and do not share it with a partner. Do not overdo it on enemas. I don't want to see any of you at an Enema Addicts Anonymous meeting!

Q & A: I need to open the conversation about anal sex in an attractive and fun way.

Q. My wife and I have not delved into anal sex. She's hesitant, while I'd like to play. I'd like us to play both ways, hers by mine and me by hers. I've read your advice before and get the gist of how to do things. I need to open the conversation about anal sex in an attractive and fun way. Any suggestions on how to talk about what would be a new sport for us?

Wanting to Play Ball

Dear Wanting to Play Ball:

Well, I am glad to hear that you are already approaching the subject with an open mind and ass—mainly, that you're willing to go both ways when it comes to anal pleasure—and I am sure your wife will be, too. Obviously, I want to let the world know about how awesome anal sex can be, but, as a sex educator, I don't want to coerce anyone into doing something they don't want to do. You wrote that your wife is hesitant—have you talked about this subject with her? An honest discussion may be what both of you need. There could be a variety of reasons why she's not gung-ho about anal sex. Like so many of us, your wife may have certain misconceptions about buttfucking—that it's dirty, painful, or only for a man's pleasure—which prevent her from wanting to dive right in.

You should correct those myths with the facts: anal sex doesn't have to be a big mess; if you do it right, it won't hurt; and women can get off on it in plenty of ways. Or, perhaps she has had a bad experience in the past. If a boyfriend before you tried to go from zero to 60 in five seconds by sticking his dick in her ass without warm-up, lube, or communication, then chances are it hurt a lot and she never wants to do it again. Here's your chance to reassure her that this time, with you, it will be different. You will take your time, use plenty of lube, and work her ass up to your cock. If you want to be sexy about this whole conversation, why not whisper in her ear a fantasy you have about fucking her in the ass. That, coupled with communication and information, ought to get her revved up!

Q & A: We are both intrigued by anal play (giving and receiving), but she is a little concerned.

Q. My wife and I of nine years have been experiencing trouble for some time in our relationship. Upon my search to get a new fire rolling, I sought out new ways to please her, which in turn brought us to the world of BDSM. We are both intrigued by anal play (giving and receiving), but she is a little concerned. I think it might be too painful for her. Is it the same for men and women? I know about the prostate gland, but aside from that, what are the differences? I myself believe we are well on our way to restoring and incorporating this new volcano of sexual energy, but I want to make it happen safely. Also, what are your thoughts on switching?


Dear Brian:

It makes perfect sense to me when people want to combine anal sex and BDSM. Anal play can be very emotionally and psychologically charged, and it can be a perfect activity in which to explore the erotic dynamics of power and control. We learn early on that our assholes are a source of embarrassment and shame or that our buttholes are private, dirty, and shouldn't be thought of in a sexual way. Anal sex is taboo, forbidden, shrouded in mystery and misinformation. Our asses are also very delicate, sensitive areas that require an extra level of communication, trust, and skill. In other words, you can hurt someone if you don't do it correctly. When I say hurt, I mean not in a good way.

When I teach anal sex workshops to people who aren't into BDSM, I try to help them overcome all those negative feelings so they can move on and have pleasurable anal sex. But if you are into BDSM, it's a different story. As tops, we can take advantage of all these elements of anal eroticism in a scene. We can play on all these different psychological angles to make anal sex a hot BDSM experience. You can taunt a bottom, telling her that she's nasty and perverted for getting fucked in the ass. You can take a level of control and comfort away from your bottom. When I bottom, I find that giving up my ass to my top can be the ultimate act of submission. Giving over such a delicate part of my body to another person magnifies the inherent power in penetration.

In a non-BDSM context, I recommend lots of communication, but the kinds of things I recommend people say don't necessarily translate while you're in role. A top can't ask "How does that feel honey, am I hurting you?" A bottom can't say "Go slower, I don't like it so fast; Okay, I'm ready for more now." That kind of banter could throw off the dynamic. So I recommend prior communication and negotiation. You can also incorporate different ways to warm up your bottom's ass into your scene—for example, if you develop a system where the bottom needs to tell you when she wants something bigger in her ass, you'll know she's ready without having to ask her (she'll be the one who has to ask!).

As for my thoughts on switching, contrary to some popular thinking, switches are not just wishy-washy folks who can't make up their minds. Switches are people who like to see things from both sides and take different positions depending on the particular situation. You may start out wanting to experience different aspects of BDSM from both ends, doling it out and taking it, then find you come to see you really do fit into one or the other. But don't feel like you have to choose right away or identify yourself to the world at large. Focus on what you want rather than what label applies to you.

Q & A: New trend in adult films: the ass to mouth act?

Q. What are your thoughts on what has become a new trend in adult films: the ass to mouth act? Have you indulged in this act, and how would you suggest one prepare for such a nasty maneuver? I would appreciate any advice you can give me.


Dear Jacey:

Taking your dick out of a woman's ass and directly shoving it into her mouth may make for exciting porn, but, in real life, it can be problematic. Bacteria lives in the butt that may not peacefully exist in the mouth, and could lead to an infection. No matter how squeaky clean her rectum may be, chances are there are at least trace amounts of fecal matter which may end up on your dick—do you really want to make her suck that off? Would you put it in your own mouth? I have a better idea. Fuck her in the ass til she's right on the edge of orgasm, or you are. Order her to get on her knees and close her eyes. Talk to her, tell her she better open up her mouth for your cock. Have an anti-bacterial baby wipe stashed nearby, and quietly grab it, slide it over your cock, then toss it. Now proceed with sticking your rod in her mouth, keeping the fantasy intact, but keeping it clean for everyone involved.

Q & A: My boyfriend and I want to have a three-way experience

Q. My boyfriend and I want to have a three-way experience—he and his best friend (a guy) and me. It has always been a fantasy of mine and he too wants to go through with it. We both swing, so we don't mind seeing each other with another person. I have never really done this before. I have sucked another guy off while my boyfriend fucked me. However, I have never had two guys penetrate me at the same time, but I really want to do this. I think the idea of having two cocks in me—one in my pussy and one in my ass—would be an unbelievable feeling. However, this seems to be a hard thing to pull off. Do you have any tips on how to make this experience as pleasurable as possible?

Thanks in advance,

Dear Fingercuffs:

Congrats for being able to voice your fantasy out loud and tell your boyfriend. Fantasies can be incredible forces in our lives. When you share a fantasy with your partner, it can bring you closer together—and you can have a hot time in the process! My first piece of advice is that maybe the two of you should practice some double penetration before you invite your friend over. Use a flexible vibrator or dildo in one of your holes and your boyfriend fills the other. Use lots and lots of lube, go slow, and work your way up to it. Communication is extremely important: you're testing the limits of your body, so make sure you give your man plenty of feedback about how it feels. Also realize that some women can easily and comfortably accommodate something of size in their pussy and in their ass. Others will take some effort, with lots of warm-up. But some women may not be able to do it at all, since double penetration really depends on your internal map, and if there's room for two. You are the one who will know best if it's possible, so make sure you're the one who's in charge and calling the shots. Work out the kinks on your dildo before you plan your threesome. When you are ready to tackle two flesh cocks at once, use plenty of lube and go really slow. Depending on the size and height of all three of you, some positions will work better than others. You may want to straddle one man and have the other nail you from behind. Try to take one cock about halfway inside your pussy, then angle your body to take the other one in your ass. Both men should start with shallow penetration, so you can get used to the feeling. Remember that porn stars make it look easy in adult movies, but they are seasoned professionals! You may be much more awkward your first time around. Practice makes perfect.

Q & A: Does anal sex cause problems later on?

Q. My husband and I have been together for over 18 years and we have an amazing sex life. We love to explore and try new things. The only thing we haven't tried is anal sex. I've always been a little bit nervous about trying anal. Lately, I've been contemplating it more because I'm curious. And it's sort of exciting, trying something that we haven't done before. Does anal sex cause problems later on? Will I have control over my movements as I do now? Will it affect my tissues in any negative ways?

Thanking you in advance,
Dee Anne

Dear Dee Anne:

First of all, congratulations on such a long and pleasurable partnership—may you be an inspiration to couples everywhere! Your questions about negative side effects from anal sex are very common ones. Let me assure you that if you do it right—go slow, have lots of warm up, use plenty of lubrication, and start out with something small—anal sex is not going to cause you any problems later in life. Being able to take something in your ass requires relaxation of the sphincter muscles, and like any other form of exercise, the more you use those muscles, the better shape they will be in. No, you will not lose control of your bowels; in fact, you may even have better bowel control once you begin getting fucked in the ass since you'll be more in touch with that area of your body and more aware of your muscle control. The tissue of the rectum is quite sensitive and delicate and does take extra care; however, as long as you don't rush penetration, as long as you listen to your body and stop if it hurts, you will not damage the tissue in any way. Anal sex can be a healthy, positive, pleasurable part of your erotic life. Take it one step at a time!

Q & A: My girlfriend wants me to kiss and lick her anus

Q. My girlfriend wants me to kiss and lick her anus. I find this difficult because I was raised by strict Catholic parents who taught me that shit is dirty. I sniffed her asshole and it did not smell. I also licked all around it, but I could not bring my tongue to her little rosebud. I kept imagining it opening up and shit coming out of it. But when my girlfriend licked my anus, I ejaculated uncontrollably onto her chest. It felt great! How can I get past my hang-up?

Thank you,
Rosebud from San Simeon

Dear Rosebud:It's not just God-fearing Catholics who shy away from ass-to-mouth action; actually, plenty of folks have a fear of shit which prevents them from exploring many different forms of backdoor love, including being tongue-tied inside a sweetie's ass. Porn star and anal queen Chloe says in my video Tristan Taormino's Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women (Evil Angel Video), "Get over your fear of shit!" I second that emotion, but I realize it may be easier said than done for many folks.

So, I first want to let you in on some basics about anatomy. When you penetrate someone's ass with your tongue, your finger, a sex toy, or your cock, chances are you are not venturing beyond the rectum. You'd need something more than ten inches long or a good portion of your arm to move past the rectum and into the colon. So, for all intents and purposes, the rectum is your territory when it comes to anal play. And the rectum is not a storage facility. That's right, you can't stack boxes of old 45s in there or anything else. Feces are stored in the colon and move into the rectum when you are ready to have a bowel movement. So, if you feel like you have to go to the bathroom and you do, your rectum will be relatively clean and free of waste matter. Now, if you have the urge to poop, but instead stick something in your ass, well you are much more likely to find yourself with a mess on your hands (quite literally!). All this applies to people with good diets, regular, healthy bowel movements, and no chronic bowel or gastrointestinal problems. Empty bowels and perhaps a hot soapy shower will ensure that your anal romp will be nothing but good clean fun!

However, if you are especially concerned about cleanliness—and judging by those powerful poop images you are having, I'd say you are—then you may want to ask your girlfriend to have an enema before you go anywhere with that reluctant-yet-potentially-eager tongue of yours. You may also want to consider using a dental dam or some plastic wrap as a barrier between your mouth and her butthole. Since you have obviously experienced the ecstatic pleasures of rimming from the other end, you owe it to yourself and your girlfriend to give it right back to her. Sexual double standards suck, and it's not fair that you should be sitting on her face without letting her sit on yours.

Q & A: The problem I have with trying bigger objects is that I orgasm too quickly.

Q. I really enjoy anal stimulation and sex. It is the best way to have the best orgasm as far as I am concerned. I would like to know what I can do to be able to handle larger objects in my ass. An example would be a cucumber. I have such erotic fantasies about this and really want to move on to bigger things! I do not have a problem with a butt plug. The problem I have with trying bigger objects is that I orgasm too quickly. Just the thought of it makes me tingle. Any other advice you can give me???

Wanting to be spread wide in the Midwest

Dear Wanting to be Spread Wide:

So you're a size queen, huh? Honey, I identify with you. I think it's both noble and ambitious that you want to put bigger and bigger things in your ass. My advice is pretty straight forward: work your way up slowly, don't rush it, listen to your body. Use plenty of lube and have patience. If you're using toys, make sure they have flared bases (you don't want to lose anything in your ass) and are smooth. I find that butt plugs are a good way to warm up to larger toys because you can put one in and just leave it in for a little while. Your ass gets used to having something inside it, relaxes, and opens up around the plug. When you take it out, you're ready for more. Some people like more of the in-and-out fucking with fingers or dildos, but that makes me sore more quickly than butt plugs (that's just a personal preference though). Do what works for you. As for the cucumber, well, I have two concerns. Most vegetables are sprayed with pesticides which are difficult to wash off completely; unless it's organic, I wouldn't put it in my ass. Some people have told me that cucumber peels contain a kind of natural substance which is irritating to the rectum and potentially dangerous; I suppose you could get an extra large condom for protection, but I say just stick to sex toys for safety.

Q & A: Is it advisable to use butter as anal lubricant?

Q. I like my boyfriend to play with me and put his fingers in my ass as we enjoy intercourse. We use butter as a lubricant (remember Last Tango in Paris?). My question is: is it advisable to use butter as a lubricant? Can it produce infections? Are there any health risks?

Concerned Anal Player

Dear C.A.P.:

Thank the anal sex gods you wrote to me! Put that butter back in the kitchen where it belongs! Vegetable or oil based lubricants of any kind—including butter, olive oil, baby oil, Crisco, Vaseline, baby oil, or lotion—are not a good idea, especially for women. First, this group of lubricants breaks down latex, rendering your condoms and gloves useless in protecting you. Second, they weren't made for sex so they definitely don't work as well as the many lubricants on the market which are formulated specifically for sex. Third, these kinds of common household products will wreak havoc is a woman's pussy. Even when you're headed for her ass, and you are being diligent about cross-contamination (nothing should ever go ass to pussy; change the condom, the glove, the toy or wash with hot water and antibacterial soap), sometimes a little lube finds its way into her front door. In this case, that lube is a perfect breeding ground for infection, will not rinse out, and will most likely cause an infection of some kind.

A much better choice for you is a nice, thick water-based lube. Thicker lubes are better because they tend to stay wet longer, and act as a little bit of a cushion inside that delicate rectum. Some examples are: Maximus (imported from England), ID, Slippery Stuff Gel (glycerin-free and a good bet for people allergic or sensitive to glycerin), or Foreplay Lube de Luxe (Gel or Cream). The "Cream" version is actually the texture of Vaseline, but it's water-based. You may also want to try a silicone-based lube. I know people who swear by them because they stay wet forever, but they aren't my favorite.

Q & A: I felt an intense burning sensation.

Q. Yesterday, my lover and I settled down to watch video. We played during the video, and the idea was that I would take her strap on anally. But a strange thing happened. When she inserted a lubed, gloved finger into my butt, I felt an intense burning sensation. After a few minutes, I had to ask that we change the scene. (I wound up giving her a blow job, instead. [Happy dance!)

That's never happened before, that burning sensation. I can still feel it a little bit now, twelve hours later. I've taken things before, like my own fingers, and a medium sized butt plug. Once, a guy even inserted a finger completely into me without lube, and that didn't hurt. But for some reason, yesterday I got a really intense burning sensation.

The lube we used was Eros lube, and it was a latex glove. I know I don't have a latex allergy, at least not a system wide one, because I work as an EMT and use latex gloves every day. I also used to cover one of my toys with a latex condom before inserting it (that goes back to when I was fourteen, though). I don't know what happened. We were so in the mood, too!!!

Have you ever encountered a similar situation? If so, what was the problem, and how did it get fixed?

Thank you so much for your time and attention.


Dear Neptune:

Hmmm. It sucks that you were so inspired by video, but your anal play was a bust! I have a few theories about what might be going on. First, you probably do not have a latex allergy since, as you say, you're an EMT and you'd know it by now. But have you considered that you may have had an allergic reaction to the lube? Different people have different sensitivities to lubricants; you may want to try a water based lubricant (since Eros, the one you tried, is silicone-based) to see if it makes a difference. If it's not the lube, it may be some kind of anal ailment. Hemorrhoids, anal fissures, even a minute tear in the delicate lining of the rectum can cause itching, irritation, burning, or pain. In that case, give your ass a vacation from butt play for about a week, then try it again. If your burning persists, you should see a doctor, because it may be a symptom which requires more extensive treatment (besides just giving your ass a break).

Now, there's one other possible explanation: your ass just didn't want to be fucked that night and the "burning" was a form of pain. In other words, sometimes we register pain in different ways: as soreness, as tightness, and, in some cases, as burning. Remember that our butts can be sort of finicky, and we need to respect them. I am glad that you stopped the scene and moved on to something else—listening to your body is so important! There are times when no matter how much you've prepared, no matter how much warm up, no matter how much you want it, your ass just won't cooperate. Sometimes, there are issues or anxieties your haven't resolved and those psychological issues are manifesting themselves on a physical level. Or you could have been particularly stressed out about something entirely different, but the stress affected your ass. Or, your ass just didn't want to go there, for no explainable reason. I hope I have given you some options to explore—good luck next time!