Q. My wife and I have not delved into anal sex. She's hesitant, while I'd like to play. I'd like us to play both ways, hers by mine and me by hers. I've read your advice before and get the gist of how to do things. I need to open the conversation about anal sex in an attractive and fun way. Any suggestions on how to talk about what would be a new sport for us?
Wanting to Play Ball
Dear Wanting to Play Ball:
Well, I am glad to hear that you are already approaching the subject with an open mind and ass—mainly, that you're willing to go both ways when it comes to anal pleasure—and I am sure your wife will be, too. Obviously, I want to let the world know about how awesome anal sex can be, but, as a sex educator, I don't want to coerce anyone into doing something they don't want to do. You wrote that your wife is hesitant—have you talked about this subject with her? An honest discussion may be what both of you need. There could be a variety of reasons why she's not gung-ho about anal sex. Like so many of us, your wife may have certain misconceptions about buttfucking—that it's dirty, painful, or only for a man's pleasure—which prevent her from wanting to dive right in.
You should correct those myths with the facts: anal sex doesn't have to be a big mess; if you do it right, it won't hurt; and women can get off on it in plenty of ways. Or, perhaps she has had a bad experience in the past. If a boyfriend before you tried to go from zero to 60 in five seconds by sticking his dick in her ass without warm-up, lube, or communication, then chances are it hurt a lot and she never wants to do it again. Here's your chance to reassure her that this time, with you, it will be different. You will take your time, use plenty of lube, and work her ass up to your cock. If you want to be sexy about this whole conversation, why not whisper in her ear a fantasy you have about fucking her in the ass. That, coupled with communication and information, ought to get her revved up!