Q. Anal sex has been an unfulfilled curiosity of mine for many years; as a young twentysomething, I was forever intrigued by it. My boyfriend and I have talked about it, and being experienced, he has suggested we try it. I feel extremely comfortable with him, and, aside from anal sex, we have an incredibly open and experimental sex life. I told him I am curious but also hesitant. The thing is, I'm embarrassed to tell him the real reason why because it's seems petty to me. I'm so scared about things getting messy as I've heard some very unappealing stories about bad smells or fecal matter being present. I know that as humans, our bodies have natural functions, but I would be mortified if that happened while we were having anal sex. As it is, I really want this to be something special as it's taken me a long time to find anyone I could trust, and I don't want to be totally turned off if things go haywire.
Dear Scared of the Mess:
Take a deep breath! Your concern is the most common one I hear about anal sex. The first thing you need is a brief anatomy lesson. During anal penetration with fingers, toys, and penises, the area of your body that we're dealing with is the rectum. The rectum is not a storage facility, so no feces are stored there; it's merely a passageway. Feces move from the colon to the rectum, then out of the body when you defecate. So, if you have a bowel movement before you have anal sex, there should only be trace amounts of fecal matter in the rectum. Now, this is provided that you are a relatively healthy person with a good diet, normal bowel habits, and no gastrointestinal problems. So, if you feel like you have to go, by all means go, because if you don't listen to your body, then you may, in fact, have a mess on your hands simply because you needed to have a bowel movement and you didn't. For those people who are squeamish about "being clean," I recommend an enema. Go to the drug store, buy a Fleet enema, then empty the contents of the bottle and fill it with plain warm water. Fleet enemas contain a laxative which isn't necessary; all you need is warm water. Follow the instructions on the box, and repeat until all that comes out of your ass is clear water. Make sure you have an enema several hours before you plan to have anal sex, since your body needs time to recover. Now, after telling you all about cleaning yourself out, I must quote a fellow anal queen, adult film star Chloe, who says, "Get over your fear of shit!" I am not saying you need to love or even like shit, but you need to let go of your anxieties. The truth is that the more anal play you engage in, the more likely you are to run into it once and awhile, so you might as well just smile, grab a baby wipe, clean up, and move on.