Q. I am interested to know: is it safe to squirt milk up your ass using an ejaculating dildo and then shoot it out your ass again? Is it safe to stick candles up your ass? If so, how many?
Martha Stewart Up My Ass
Dear Martha Stewart Up My Ass:
It sounds like you¹ve been spending a little too much time at the crafts center. Lots of people enjoy using ejaculating dildos in their asses, and I know that some of these squirting dongs have a "recipe" for homemade ejaculate right on the box (which usually consists of condensed milk). Keep in mind that whatever you shoot up your ass can be directly absorbed by your bloodstream, and can potentially make you sick, which is why I never recommend exotic enemas that contain anything beyond plain warm water. So, I say, use plain warm water to be safe; it doesn't offer the same kind of spooging visual, but it does feel the same. As for your question about candles up the ass, it reminds me of a series of pictures by fetish photographer Richard Kern of women with lit candles in their bums. While the shots were clever, they were ultimately done for art's sake, and not really something I can give the thumbs up to for the average person. Candles do not have a flared base, and there is a danger of having one get lost in your ass, unless it's extremely long. But more importantly, they are hard and waxy, and who wants that in your ass when you can have a flexible, smooth butt plug or dildo that will feel much better and won't have you shitting out wax shavings afterward?